And we walk on.

the prelims are coming closer!
*gasp* monday -english; tuesday - chem prac.
haha.never thought that things would move so fast.

perhaps, if life were to slow down...

Things have happened.
i'm confused.
i'm not supposed to think about it;
i'm not supposed to sink into numbness.
but i'm slipping.
soon, sooner..present.
haha.never would have thought..

it takes courage to be a person.
i realise that now

regret IS life's greatest pain.

sometmies, we think we think think some things can be saved.
it's true that some things ARE saved in the end..
but that isn't a guaruntee for all cases.
maybe hope's redundant.
it lifts you up,
then plunges you back down to reality..
WITH SO MUCH PAIN.
it's sometimes better that we take a step back,
to analyse the situation; to consider a step forward.
or to just be; something we forget to do,
when we're so wrapped up in emotion.

I never meant it.
and i'm NOT pushing you out.
i just need TIME and DISTANCE.
it'll come back,
if things play right.
but till then,
I'm sorry.

HOT outing today!
mummy, daddy, jazzy, rachel, zi, vi, evelyn and zhenluan.
lunched at cartel, beofre catching 'lake house' at PS.
talked LOTS.caught up LOTS.
i finally understand.
haha.that LONG AWAITED understanding.
conversation was good, company was great.
i couldn't possibly have wanted anything more.
i'll miss all of you, come next year ):
i guess i'll just have to treasure what we have now,
and keep these memories close to me, when we'e all separated.
one good memory is enough.
it pulled so many through life;
i hope where ever we go,
these times will be able to pull us through.

Some one asked me something today.
'do you believe in fairytales?'
i guess fairytales exist to only those who belive in their existance;
to those who belive in happy endings.
what ARE fairytales?
are they manifestations of hope?
or something people use to run away from reality?
..some times, i think they're both.
and for the weirdest reason ever,
i thought back to the HOTs;
the 14 of us.
they're my fairytale;
my manfestation of hope that good companionship is ALWAYS possible,
even IN SPITE of all the shit we go through.
they're my hide out from reality;
their companionship is my haven.
and that feeling of being loved is good enough for me now.

so, do i believe in fairytales?
yes, i do.
cos i see them around me 5 days a week,
and i feel them 24/7(:

If you died today,
who will mourn your passing?

Anger, disappointment, betrayal.
they're all part of life.
insecurity plagues it.
you mightn't forget what they did to you,
for a long time to come.
but, take heart.
it's an experience gained.
you're smarter now;
and your passion can never really be wrong.
we're all scarred.
don't cry;
the tears cut deep into those who care for you.

you dread.
you don't want it to happen again.
yet, you're confronted with the fact that it is.
you can't run from it,
you can't hide from it.
it's you.
it's always been a part of you.
you thought you'd gotten rid of it..
you thought you were finally free; free to be whoever you wanted to be.
but your past haunts you.
and now, it's back;
at the wrong time,
in the wrong situation.

why is it you keep running?
what do you fear?
why keep asking, why keep going on?
you have no answers,
you're angry, frustrated.
and yet, you still have no answers.
you hate yourself.
you lead people on, then push them away.
you're a horrible person.

and yet, you still 'have people'.
hahaha.what irony.

why does that barrier exist?
why do you let it exist?
to keep yourself protected?
or to block people out?
do you fear hurt? rejection? disappointment?
why do you not let your guard down?
will there be a day, a person you'll be able to let through?
it's happened before; it destroyed who you are.
you see it happening again.
you're forced to think of your options;
to run? to hide?
or to confront it, knowing the same thing MIGHT happen again?

do you put yourself at risk?
or do you hurt the people you set out to comfort?
you don't know.
YOU DON'T know.
YOU DON'T KNOW!!!
damn it.DAMN IT.
of all the things NOT to know.

you're forced to make that decision again.

they're knocking.
will you let them in?

why do we avoid things in life?
out of fear? or rebellion?
against yourself? or for the 'greater good'?

why do we bother to define?
what happens when we're wrong?

I.don't.know.

i'm sorry; it was never my place to fill..

There are only three things i really want as of now.
that's the funny thing bout life, ain't it?
you REALLY don't get what you want.
it seems SO CLOSE.
and in a second, it's gone.
maybe that's why people stop dreaming.
maybe that's how innocence is lost.

is it 'cos we want too much?
or is it 'cos we realise HOW MUCH we want it ONLY after we let it go?
i really wonder some times.
and ooh, let's not forget jealousy;
makes life a whole lot more interesting, no?
you see some one else having something you want,
perhaps even something you used to have,
and suddenly, you want what your neighbour has.
whoa.aren't we VOLATILE.(yes, miss self pollinated? x) )
then, does 'want' come from jealousy or true need?
the lines are blurred now;
more so, in a world where everyone wants everything.
and where most HAVE everything.
we can never het enough.
sad, really.

what ever happened to SIMPLE pleasures?
(NO, not like that, self pollinated.(x )

one of these days, we'er all gonna burst.
and we'll see what the world thinks of us then.
maybe we only THINK we want;
cos we're temporarily deprived of something we used to have.
i guess at the end of the day, we want..
cos we don't have.
and that's all we need to accept.
that's all the world would ever let us accept anyway.

how fas time flies.
it's been 5 FREAKING weeks since term 3 started.
it's scary, to say the least.
the week just started like, yesterday?
it's it's friday already.
i wonder how much faster time will fly.
it's ironic, though;
how slow time can pass in an instant;
in a particular moment.

sometimes, i just want time to stop.
(like in that commercial)
to let me savour all the wonderful things life has given me,
but haven't yet been realised.
maybe then, i'll be a better person, more appreciative.
and maybe then, i'll stop regretting every moment that comes to pass.

please speak slowly, my heart is learning

DAMN IT.
it's not fair to be irritated with people who don't have anything to do with your anger.
it's NOR RIGHT.
so, why do people still do it?
are we rebellious by nature?
or do we just like to be angry?
is it a mark of maturity; to be angry and angsty?
or is it cool to be brooding and hoarding suppressed feelings?
DAMN IT.
i don't understand this; i don't understand anything any more.
and it sure as hell pisses me off.

it doesn't help that people keep coming in and BOTHERING me.
what's wrong with SOLITUDE.
can i not stay in my room and NOT be bothered for ONE NIGHT?
apparently, it's not possible.
every 20 mins, i have someone coming in to 'check on me' or ask for somthing.
AM I TWO F**KING YEARS OLD?
i can do things myself, thank you very much.
damn it.
i have a mountain load of work ahead of me;
i have to complete it by tomorrow.i'm feeling pissed as hell,
don't wanna do shit,
and it's already 11.

DAMN IT.

and it's racial harmony day tomorrow.
it's supposed to be a joyous event.
i'm supposed to be HAPPY damnit.
probably gonna be sleep deprived this evening,
end up slcaking my time away and going to school with hell to pay for that.
what the hell is wrong with me?!

damn it.
random rant.

it's better out, than it.

some people..
hmmm.
it's sad when we don't know when it's time for us to move on;
from where we are, from the people we know.
sometimes, we're so helpless against their wills.
we don't know what they truly want,
we don't know how they think.
it's frustrating, really.
and TRUST.
always an issue, no?
sometimes, we don't know where to put it
and that in turn hurts us more than not giving it away.

starnge things, we humans do.

at least i've moved on from you.
yet, not a backward glance have you thrown...

some thins in life are for that best.
we just need to have faith that everything will be fine,
at the end of the day.

Have you ever felt helpless?
you know so many things,
you know that something HAS to be done..
and you can't do it yourself.
don't you just hate that powerless feeling?
no control, nothing you can do.

you're floudering hopelessly in an ocean of doubts,
of 'what if's.
you're trapped in a nightmare, of the past.
you somehow know that this seems familiar..
and you hate that feeling.
you never wanna turn back,
but circumstance finds you doing just that.

you're forced to look at your demons head on,
on eye level with.
you don't want to blink, for fear that something could happen.
the strain in burning your eyes.
the tears are forming.
you're scared, you pray fervently..
then, you close them.
perhaps, by faith, nothing bad will happen.
perhaps, everyone will be okay, just like they were.
perhaps, everything will go back to borning, mundane, normalacy.

everything, you know.
or so you think.
you worry, for fear that something REALLY bad will happen.
that the someone you're worried for won't be able to get up again.
you wish, SO BADLY to help.
but, you know you can't.
some battles have to be fought by yourself.
and it's especially during these periods that you worry.
trust, faith?
these challenges are what test them, no?
..then, why am i afraid of the test?
fear that i won't be resolute in my belief in the person in question?
fear that faith won't pull us through?
..or fear that i won't be strong enough for her, when the time calls for me to be?
i hate waiting.i hate guessing.
but that IS part of life.
something God put there to anchor our trust in Him.
to show us that faith is really all you need.

you know you're supposed to have faith.
you know you don't need to worry.
yet, you do.
you life your eyes, even if it's just a little,
to confirm what's NOT there.
reassures, you look back down at your tasks;
tehn you feel a stab of guilt.
you chose to deny faith, belief.
you weren't strong enough to hold onto them.
'why am i so weak?'
you grit your teeth, turn around and walk away;
but not before turning back to stare at the face of a traitor.
vacant eyes, gaunt features.
and shame, from everything you could've done..
but didn't

faith is not for the weak;
for faith is what pulls the strong along,
even when they FEEL weak.

HAPPY BIRTHDA TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DADDY...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!(:

GRACE DADDY is FINALLY 16! :D
finally LEGAL for nc16 movies, and what have you ;)
Grace, if you're reading this,
ACT SIXTEEN! and talk to mummy...
and grow taller, be less annoying, be less high and dsigusting..
(x haha, but BE HAPPY, daddy(:

It's so fast, how time flies.
GOSH, it's the THIRD week already.
no one's hiding the fact that we only have SIX WEEKS LEFT before prelims start..
and getting our prelim time table yesterday didn't help.
ohsonice 4i has put the day-coutdown to the prelims,
so we're essentially staring at our doom EVERYDAY. T.T
avoidance, is follish, yes;
but ignorance is always bliss. (:
heh.if life didn't have to speed up so fast,
if only we didn't have to grow up.

maybe that way, life would be alot easier.
just the dreams of running around,
laughing ourselves giddy.
maybe friends, family once in a while.
mmh, that would be nice.
i can't help but think
'what IS after this?'
after all, we DID grow till 16 from zero.
and at this age, we SEE ageing.
we SEE what could happen.
i can almost see it now;
get into jc, uni..get a job.
get married.have kids.
grow old.die.
hmmm. where's the fun in that?
i guess it's IN the process of growing up...
but, sometimes i can't bear to.
kinda sad, really;
the mroe you grow, the more you have to face life.
you can't run any more.
not like when you were young and tiny.

tch.such depressing thoughts.
and i don't even know what i'm doing here.
ironic, really;
i keep COMPLAINING about HOW SLACK i am..
yet i appear online for hours on end, reading.
so, i should just SHUT IT and blog.NICELY.
then, kill self with work later.

note to self: intensify work load so as to avoid guilt later.

THERE HAVE BEEN NO MORE SPIDERS!!!
MWAHAHAHAH!!!(: (:
haha, i think they've all moved to T-melia's table.
poor girl.now she has to be the one screaming like an idiot during lesson...
and i realise, we've been quite mean.
say it once, and not again?
HMMM.once more, tata?(x (KHONG..you've still got to do it x))
other than that, school's been quite monotonous.
teachers intensifying the lessons,
more worksheets,
the completion of subject syllbuses.
T.T it's scary, really.

OHWELL.
the world cup's DONE!
cannavaro's cute, poor france and zidane.
i wonder what materazzi said to him, for real.
HMMM.

OFF TO INDULGENCE!(:
solace in the things that are not real...

And so, a week has passed.
WEEK ONE HAS ENDED.
kinda scary, huh?
how time passes by so quicly.
haha.time has made that phrase cliche now.
we have EIGHT more weeks before prelims start in week TEN.
well, then.

adjustment;
is that what we all need now?
adjustment to a faster pace?
to a more pressing need to DO something,
rather than just be idle?
hmmm.
whatever happened to good old STONING. (or, meditating x) )
sigh.time for a reality chack;
time to face facts;
i want time,
i've got some.
no more asking for more than what i can't get.

i have a nice table partner(:
CACAT recess companions(:
and i keep laughing my head off cos of them.
it's all good(:
now, if only it can stay this way..
all the way through to week ten(:
oh and i ABHOR spiders.
TWO freaking spiders ATTACKED me yesterday.
they think i don't know bout their plan for WORLD DOMINATION!
'kill this weakling first (insert malicious laughter),
we'll slay the rest later..'
HAHA!but i KNOW.
i knew it was all a grand scheme to embarrass me during english!
i know fishy when i see it;
a brown JUIMPING spider
and a spider with only FOUR legs (which can fly by the way).
HAH!they think they're SO SMART.but i saw through it all!
be gone, dreadful spiders!
or i'll have to find some arachni-cides!
*beams menacingly/crazily at the (invisible) spiders*

other than that,
more random acts of cacat-ness include:
1) that very ENLIGHTENING talk in the canteen x)
[ahem, highly informative x)]
2) watching sumi and khong try to stuff ice down each other's shirts.
then, turning round and stuffing it down daddy's x)
hmm.this is bad.i can't remember any more.
i'm sure there are though;
with people from fourI,
cacat-ness is normal x)

WOOHOO!
more prayer sessions next week.
we need discipline. ):
6 more days...

So many things i wanna do.
so many trhings i SHOULD.
the term has started;
we only have 9 weeks left.
NINE WEEKS.
and i STILL can't get myslef to do the things i should.

it's so hard, fighting against yourself.
i think i'm becoming schizophrenic.
the constant bickering between the two halves of me.
and i yield, to pleasure,
rather than work.
everyone's picking up their paces.
and i'm still stuck in this gutter.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
more work, more focues, more determination.
less distractions, less paranoia.
there's only ONE way to go now;
so why am i still looking for alternatives?
is this human nature?
to fight against the things you're SUPPOSED to do?
so little time!!!
and i'm still thinking bout crap like this.
the june hols have gone to waste, then;
cos i still don't know the things i SHOULD.

i can't believe i've forgtten how to 'self motivate'.
and NOW, of all times.
what INCREDIBLE timing.
i'm fed up with myself.

then again, so what, right?
i should STOP pissing and moaning,
and get down to it already, right?
WELL, THEN.
someone slap me, shut me up and get me to work,
please.

this is hopeless.

Simple Plan.Promise
Breakdown
I can't take this
I need somewhere to go
I need you
I'm so restless
I don't know what to do

We've had our rough times
Fighting all night
And now you're just slipping away

Give me this chance
To make the wrongs right,to say
Don't don't don't walk away

I promise
I won't let you down
If you take my hand tonight
I promise
We'll be just fine this time
If you take my hand tonight
If you take my hand tonight

Without you I go through the motions
Without you it's just not quite the same
Without you I don't want to go out
I just wanted to say

That I'm sick of these fights
I'll let you be right
If it stops you from running away

So give me this chance
To make the wrongs right, to say
Don't don't don't walk away

I promise
I won't let you down
If you take my hand tonight
I promise
We'll be just fine this time
If you take my hand tonight

hmmm.i like.(:
represents hope, even after things have happened..

LET'S SEE.
4 days to the end of the June hols.
then again, it wasn't really a holiday, was it?
i didn't even realise time flying by so quickly.
i've got a mountain of homework left to go
(CHINESE KILLS!! T.T)
and stuff i wanna do,
(BLEACH IS INTERESTING! x) )
but there's too little time.

BAH.

i can't wait for the dec hols.
that's what everybody says anyway..
ooh, we must WORK HARD NOW.
we'll have A WHOLE MONTH TO WASTE AWAY.
5 months, and we'll be done with the past 4 years of education.
mmh, interesting.
time flies by SO QUICKLY.
if one month's passed without much of my knowing,
i wonder how fast 5 months will fly by.
ok, granted..
we have a term full of STRESS and WORK ahead of us,
plus TWO MAJOR EXAMS to go.
hmmm.i wonder.

it's so hard to do the things you should,
when they differ from the things you want to do.
no wonder people say it's easier if you actually LIKE studying.
maybe we should study 'studying' first,
before actually staudying.
maybe THAT way,
we'll multiply our time.

God, it's only 5 more months.
please sustain us till then.
we're nothing without Your strength;
lend it to us, for this last leg of the race...

We're usually supposed to do things we don't.
and when we do, it turns out that we don't really need to do them at all.
sometimes, we wish that we had known better,
calculated the odds better;
maybe then, we wouldn't be so stupid.
but the thing is, we are.
and even till we die,
we'll continue making stupid mistakes we regret later.

equivalent trade;
hmmm.i guess the world REALLY idn't fair.
even if you present something of equal worth,
you might not get what you want in the end.
some people get what they want,
some people don't.
yet, in some way or another,
all of us put in the same effort.
maybe our rewards aren't the ones we wish to get,
but maybe something we'll learn to appreciate in time.
who knows?
only God knows,
and only time will tell..

I LOVE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!(:
i know i shouldn't be addicted to anime now;
ESPECIALLY not THIS time of the year.
time to get serious and done some REAL work.

i wonder when we can get a hold of the movie...

i guess i'll never learn. xP

OKAY, i'm supposed to be STUDYING.
i was supposed to be STUDYING for the WHOLE of today.
but NO, i HAD TO succumb to the tempation of GOING OUT and usng this (stupid) COMPUTER.
then again, i only HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME.
so why am i COMPLAINING?

hmmm.i hate this shit.
shermaine, FOCUS; it's ONLY 6 months.
6 months to a final war cry.
6 months to a possible dream come true.
6 months to a..better future?
how quickly time SLIPS AWAY..
it's scary;
a WEEK (a friggin' WEEK) has gone past.
WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING?
i think i'm going crazy. T.T

God, help me.
i commit all to you.

so many tragedies lately..
someone..err..passed away.
my maid's sis is in the philippines suffering with acute pneumonia.
their family's financial burden is grownig and there's only so much we can do.
her sister's condition is STILL deteriorating.
and her baby just turned one month old.
then, i wonder
'when did life become so frail?'
it's sad --life is SO SHORT.
everyone has to die one day.
we spend half our lives chasing dreams,
and the other half regretting the thigns we didn't do whilst we still could.
how tragic.
ultimately, it's about HOW you live your life, ain't it?
the things you do to impact others;
the decisions you make to implicate others.

i wonder how many people will be by my death bed.

we try, as far as possible, to live by our beliefs;
to live our dreams, while sill in contact with reality.
we TRY to gain as much respect as possible,
hoping people will remember us for who we are,
and what we stand for.
so HOW do you live?

that's a question that will take time, patience, love and experience to answer.

'Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be

I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
Brand my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to..'
--I dare you.Shinedown.

Some times, things happen.
we don't understand why, we don't understand how,
but they happen anyway.
and at the end of the day it ian't bout what happens,
or even what implications are caused,
but HOW we move on from there.

stay strong, shin wei.
we'll be here for you, if you EVER need us.
and dhilshad, i love you too(:

Psalm 23:
"The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You annoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"

Always...

and as for this week,
words to describe would be..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
x) haha, things happen when you're studying in school,
with a bunch of people who dare to do weird things. x)
perhaps, AGAIN? x)
phys lessons have FINALLY become interesting.
i actually UNDERSTOOD and LEARNED.
i'm sure most of 4i would share my sentiment. x)
2 days of "STUDY CAMP" with weird in-between activities x)
"I luRbbE euUxZ wORzX"
sining told me sthg funny.
i wonder what would happen if we played the same game,
in the same premise.
it'd be HILARIOUS.
..sadly, no one has the time anymore. ):

i miss the (crazy and cacat) leaders ):
CAN WE HAVE A LEADERS' OUTING?
(dareordoubledare? x))

HMMM.
it's gonna be one LONG holiday.
then again, the first weeks has already gone past.
it's amazing how time flies.
i'm still in shock.
someone SLAP me.

WAKE ME UP.
i'msuchapig.

ROUND pigs are cute.
INDEED x)
and if we're BOTH pigs... x)

Ronin.One more moment.
Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away

Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment with you

Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,

And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong

..i wonder if the world ended tmr,
how many people in the world would say 'i love you' to someone else and really mean it.

And SO IT ENDS.
one semester has FLOWN past.
i can't believe it;
HALF A YEAR has just gone past.
it's amazaing how i never really FELT it.
it was almost as if we were living day to day,
not really KNOWING how much time had passed.
settling down, OAC 06, LI 06..
and before we knew it,
the MYEs had come and gone.
gosh, this year passed so quickly.
never expected it to be so...

I guess this leaves even less room for contemplation and regret.
the last 6 months should be spent in ENTIRE contentment,
never looking back, but anticipating what's to come.
sure, things have happened;
relationships change, RESULTS came.
but through it all, good things happened.
we were forced to leave some things behind,
and to take up some things.
it's all good, though; it's all good.
to live in the moment;
one of the easiest things to say,
but one of the most difficult to accomplish.
i think it's in our nature to be paranoid,
but how much till that paranoia consumes us?
we keep worrying but the future, bout the past.
so, when do we LIVE FOR THE PRESENT?
to stop worrying, seems to be the answer.
but it's almost impossible to.
isn't it?

ONE MONTH.JUNE 2006.
our last chance to make up for everything.
we're told to STUDY HARD.
who wouldn't want an L1R5 of 6?
everyone does.
it's a matter of HOW MUCH you want it.
i believe by being in cedar,
all of us already have that inherant ability to get what we WANT.
the teachers tell us so, too.
now, we just have to do it.
things have always been easier said than done,
but they were never impossible.
WORK yes.we have to WORK for it.
there must surely be some truth to the saying
'you reap what you sow'
if people have been quoting it for so long(:

so to all those disheartned by their results..
JIAYOU!(:
it ain't impossible.
WE've just gotta WORK FOR IT.
and i know, that throughout that JOURNEY,
there will be friends cheering us on,
dragging us to be where we should be.
yep, it's usually the destination that counts,
BUT it's the journey that makes everything worthwhile(:

it's not about what you GET,
but the person you become even if you don't get it.
i can't quote that,
but it was inspired by what someone...wrote.
haha, i guess it's true.
it takes a big person to say that,
and a bigger person to believe that.
so, to...
i wish the best of everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
friend of 4 years
and
closer friend of barely 2 months.

The past 2 weeks have been ABLSOLUTE heaven.
no exams, no stress.
good company, plenty of fun and laughs.
I'M NOT COMPLAINING!
haha, we're told to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
CARPE DIEM!SEIZE THE DAY!
haha, so we will.
what's the point in life, if we don't? x)

"Oh I know that the music's fine
Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing, but while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me"
--Michael Buble.Save the last dance for me.

Put on them dancing shoes and dance the night away
haha, if we could moment forever,
i'd freeze time now.
the past makes us who we are,
the present defines us.
YEAH MAN.
just a few more days of relaxation.
then, it's back to work.
but WHO CARES.
nothing is free from work.
better to make use of BREAKS.

210506-
WENT TO THE BEACH WITH MY PUBCOMM!!(: (:
haha, got drenched while cycling.
HAHA, but we continued anyway.
THANK GOD for such FINE weather(:
the first pucommm outing in 5 months and it was PERFECT(:
more good memories with the pubcomm(:
rachael hong and deborah lam;
thank you.

190506-
CROSS COUNTRY!
yay!got top 100.haha.
expected to get ALOT less.so, i'm HAPPY(:
(and someone finally passed something she owed me for 1month and 6days? x) THANKYOU)
WENT OUT FOR THE HOT anniversary! :D
haha, we're two this year? x)
8 of us-sarah, grace, vi, ziyan, dolly, jazzy, ahu and i.
MAD time at seoul garden.
laughing, taking pics, watching some people behave INAPPROPRIATELY x)
haha, it was fun(:
then we went SHOPPING.
goodness, we were so tired after that x)
so we bought a movie (walk the line)and sarah, grace, vi and jazzy came over to watch it.
ended up watching ella enchanted instead x)
haha, but it was worth it(:
FULL HOT outing soon, perhaps?(:
i'm HOPING! *crosses fingers*

hmm.speaking of HOT outings,
when can we have another leaders' one? x)
HEHEH.i miss the kitchen dept.. ):

the rest of the days have been spent slacking/wasting away.
haha.better now than never, hmmm?
5 more days..5 more.
to the end of something,
and the beginning of another(:

'..i'm so used to living under the surface.

And i walk on water,
and you will catch me if i fall.
and i will get lost into your eyes.
And everything will be alright.'
-Lifehouse.Storm.

And so, the good week ends.
RESULTS BACK THIS WEEK.
did terribly for chem, bio and ss/geog.
well, what's a person to do?
you put in EFFORT,
yet you don't see RESULTS.
life's funny that way;
you never really reap what you sow.
most irritating thing is that this time ain't the first.

4/i's a freaky class.
first in what, 4 subjects and 1 elective?
hmmm, and we were the 'just made it' class..

we're supposed to start STUDYING again, this week.
sometimes, i seriously don't see the point-
you SLOG it out for ONE exams,
only to get SHIT results.
then we're expected to GO BACK again.
it's probably not any of the teachers' faults,
but it still can't be helped if we do badly and feel bad.

this SHOULD be a trivial matter.
this SHOULD be a small set back.
then again, when have we ever done what SHOULD be done?
we rebel against everything we're MADE to be.
who's to say things are ever gonna be 'normal'?
MID YEARS DON'T COUNT.
that's a fact.
but SO WHAT?
it scared ME shitless.
i wonder what's gonna happen if our L1R5s all looked bad for prelims.
i can't say EVERYONE did badly for midyears,
but i think it's safe to say most of us did.

some overcame.
some backslid.
some stayed stagnant.

you run; you run your hardest.
you see that you're ahead;
then, like a sudden downpour,
you're chasing people's dust clouds.
and all you're left with is mud,
the rain and blurry vision.
should it decide to pour in the prelims..
will we remain a cut above the rest?
..or left to slow down in mud?

it doesn't matter.
it DOESN'T matter.

so why does it still eat me?

To the most awesome people in the world-
THANK YOU,
for making may 12th and 13th absolutely THE BEST.
the SWEETEST birthday;
much less sixteenth birthday, hmmm?
haha, thanks people.
y'all know who you are :D

..it doesn't happen,
till it happens in your heart.

WELL.
i'll remmeber this.
'cos it HAPPENED.
in a big way(:

The HOTfamily, 3/i-4/i 05-06.
thank you...
and to all those who remembered(:
thanks loads(:

i'm SIXteen.
HAH.that's funny.