...Some are like water,
Some are like the heat.
Some are melodies,
Some are the beat.
Sooner or later they'll all be gone;
Why don't they stay on?
It's hard to get without a cause;
I don't want to perish like a fading voice.
Youth is like diamonds in the sun;
And diamonds are forever.
So many adventures couldn't happened today,
So many songs that we forgot to play,
So many dreams swimming out in the blue...
Let them come true.

Forever young; I want to be forever young.

Do you really want to live forever?
--Youth Group. Forever Young.

Interesting question.

A photo update. What 2006 has brought me...

Dhil, Shin and I on Racial Harmony day. I LOVE the kitchen dept(: Cooler carrying, crapping and all...(x
Deepavali 2006!(: At Ash's place. It was nice. And we tried to act lian with the one, two, three, four poses(x
Our last campfire. Dhil and I walking to the kitchen again. The last time, ever...
4I 2006(: I LOVE 4I(: Graduation Day 2006. Best pic of our class, yet!
And of course, my beloved HOTs. At Grace's place on the 21st. One dinner I'll never forget, even though we didn't do anything much...

2006 brought so many events, so mnay people. And I thank God for them(: Four years in Ceadr wouldn't have been the same without them(x

IT'S CHRISTMAS!(x
Easily the most anticipated holiday of the year, really.
With presents, friends, family and TIME... Who wouldn't like it?
Unless of course, you're stuck at home with nothing much to do.
Somehow, I feel guilty; cos I've been thinking bout MYSELF and how I'm enjoying MY holiday, not bout what Christmas means.
Jesus was born; that's the most important thing(:
It's the most important now, and it was 2000 odd years ago too.
He saved us from eternal damnation, walks besides us and loves us unconditionally...

If that doesn't deserve to be celebrated, I don't know what does.

So, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE(: You're loved, waaaay beyond expectation... Regardless of who you are(:

2007 is in a WEEK! AHHH!
That's a scary thought, to say the least.
Moving to a new school, meeting new people... Finally being able to NOT be nun...
There are so many things to be done! People to meet, cards that have yet to be sent out, things to think about, issues to settle...
2006 has been wonderful(: It let me come full circle.
And now, I must end it properly, to lock the memories up for good.
So, if you ave unfinished business iwth me, please drop me a msg or sthg.
I'll try to settle it before 2007 begins.

But, if i don't, I'm sorry.
I'll try to make it up to you in the new year.
To good, old friends --It's not goodbye. I'm not letting go. So, please don't.

There are so many other things I want to say bout this year, about the future...
But I guess it's redundant now.
Everything I have to say is in the people I care for, in the people I love.
And, I guess, try as I might, I can never find the right words to justify just how good the Lord has been to me this year.

Living testimonies affect others the most deeply...
Now, I see why.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!(:

To you, who has been a constant in my life--
It's been what, 5 years, now? We've changed so much; but we're lucky to have changed together. It's not the same any more, I guess. No longer the innocent people looking to surpass each other (okay, it might be me.) in tuition, but the people who've been through life-changing painful and, for the lack of a better word, happy experiences. I'm glad we didn't let go, too. Can you imagine if we did? I can't, actually. Thank you for giving me time; time to grow and straighten myself out. I don't know why I'm doing this now, so spontaneously, but it's stuff you should know, if you didn't already(x You've got lots of things to tell me; TSK! The scandals on your blog, for a start ;) But it's always been like that huh? Nonsense, sense, doesn't matter any more. We talk; and that's what counts.

Remember what you promised me bout next year. Work hard for it. We both will.

To you, who I owe an explanation--
It's been done. False hope, lies, deceit; if you think those, after reading it, then I'm sorry. I can't help you any more. If you think not, I leave the rest to you. I might still do things you don't want me to, but I might. And for reasons I hope you understand. So, I really hope you do; I'm getting a bit frustrated with putting stuff in words.

Corrinne May. Everything in Its Time.
Sometimes i wonder what lies ahead
How long til my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
so many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and i try to pray
In the silence i can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like that i'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why i should give up
But i'm stubborn in the things i believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign

'Cause maybe there's another plan
One i still cant see
A little surprise, like your love in your life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I love this song. Perhaps, this is what the Lord has been trying to tell me all this time. Don't know why, but there's a sudden... Disconnection. I hope things go back to normal soon. It's hard to beliebe everything's fine and normal when you constantly feel that there's something missing.

I was just thinking of a few people; how they've changed, the people I knew them as, the people they've become... It's fascinating how people affect other people. And how we move on, eventually, 'cos nothing can really hold us back; not forever at least. We're all moving on for good, soon; postings will be out this coming Thursday. I've always thought that I'd be elated that I'm FINALLY moving on, but now that we've come to it... I can't help but think that going back to Cedar next year would be the best thing ever.

It's probably the fear of the unknown, the fear of... Rejection. So many uncertainties in the coming year --so many new people to meet, so many new things to do. I wonder if I'll be able to do them all; I wonder if I'll regret doing anything, or NOT doing some of the things for that matter. But all these are so... Understood. Everyone feels the same things. Sometimes, I don't know why I blog the obvious.

I'm gonna miss everyone. The CACAT times, the sad times, the crazy times, the mundane times, the anxious times... In each of those times, I was with people. They made memories with me. I don't wanna forget them, and I don't have all the photos to commemorate every event... But prayfully, even 10 years down the road from now, I hope I remember how I felt. That's all that matters, at the end of the day.

The holidays are overrated.
After the prom buzz and everything else, everything sort of went... Stale.
PFFT. Haha, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone else feels the same way.
To think we were looking forward to the post-Os period OH SO eagerly...
OH WELL. Time to catch up on the things we missed (if anything at all).

Things to do:
1) Finish up CHRISTMAS CARDS. (It's kinda ironic that I'm DAMN BORED, yet can't find the will to finish anything. x_x)
2) Finish getting presents for everyone!(x (HEH. Fun part.)
3) READ MORE FANFICS.
4) Settle any... Delayed situations... Before 2006 ends. (TATA, YOU FREE?(x haha.)
5) MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE JC POSTING RESULTS NEXT WEEK. (x_x God knows best... God knoes best...)
6) OTHE RANDOM THINGS SUCH AS BLOGGING AND BOTHERING MY NEE AND MAKING SURE MY COUSINS WRECK OUR HOME. Of course; MAKING SURE I DON'T KILL THEM OUT OF ANNOYANCE. OH YES! And to READ THE BLEACH MANGA. :3 Haha. Think I'm obsessed(x

LAHDEEDAH. Leaders' chalet next week!
(I can't wait.) Though I might have to disappear to Johor for the day...
OH WELL. ALL IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT! (WASTE AWAY YOUR LIFE! YAY! JOY TO THE WORLD!)

I'm beginning to think too much time mightn't be THAT good for the soul;
too much time to think (of crazy stuff to do) bout stuff...

LAST BATCH OF PHOTOS!(x
Mingen!(:

Shiwen!(:

AND MY BELOVED KITCHEN DEPT 05-06(: hahaha. I LOVE this pic(:

OHH.and for those who want their pics... i have the vicky/tata one with me ;) think the rest have got their pics..?(:

Seasons of Love. Rent soundtrack.
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear
525,600 minutes how do you measure
Measure a year
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life
How about love
How about love
How about love
Measure in love
Seasons of love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 journeys to plan
525,600 minutes how can you measure the life of a woman or man
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died?

It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends
Let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Good movie. Loved the soundtrack(:

MORE PHOTOS!(x

Zhenluan looking ABSOLUTELY GIRLY.

YUSIN, JENNIFER AND ARICA!(x their turns next year.. ;)

Jing!(x Wonder if she applied make up at all...

ZI!!haha, haven't talked to her in ages...

DARLING DHILSHAD.scary eyes 0.0

SARAH MUMMY!!haha, tall and fair and with BIG...(x

RACHEL SEE with red highlights and looking very pretty(:

T-MELIA!!!(x

ACHU!..looking ohsosleepy.pftt.rum and coke, eh? ;)

GOTHIC BELLE.hahah(: pretty, though(:

haha, there're still come more. My weird comp won't upload them though.hmmm...

NOW, for the UPDATE ON PROM NIGHT 2006!
haha, I had a BLAST(: Six. The awesome class of 2006.
Whatever we're called, I think we're the craziest batch to ever grace the Cedar compound. I'll miss all of y'all... Cedarians, forever(:

There was the crazy photo taking in the foyer when I arrived. The EXCO 05-06 was there, plus khong, tata, etc(x heh. I couldn't recognise ANY ONE there. Everyone was sooo preeetttaaayyy.(x haha. Then, it was up to the hall for more crazy phot taking(x It was fun running around in heels, screaming for people to take pics with you. Haha, practically everyone was doing that(x

Ash and I looking well, smiley?(x
Sining looked pretty without specs!!(x haha. It was different though..(:

Jazzy, Rach and I. Jazzy looking 'expensive'(heh.) in her purple dress and STRAIGHT hair, and Rach looking fab in her blue top(: (pfft. You DO NOT have a fat face.)

Evelyn looked so sweet(:

Hmmm. My comp's not cooperating with me. So, more next time(x

A dull throb. That's all the past few days mean to me now.
Everything's passing so fast; can't remember them well... Can't SAVOUR them.
And somehow, I can't bring myself to record them any more.
Everything I see, everything I feel...
No words can do them justice.
Not now, at least. So wrapped up in everything I want, everything there is to do...

Ideal? Maybe.

Alanis Morissette. Ironic.
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures.

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures.

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out...
Helping you out.

And after Hands Clean, i thought i'd never find a song that would stay in my head for THAT long again...

I like to run away once in a while;
to escape what I need to face NOW.
Be it with people, with my BOOKS, or with other situations...
I can't seem to handle confrontation.
I wonder why.

And to think that cowardice digusts me.

HAHA. I think all of us are walking ironies at least once in our lives.
Some for a longer period of time than others.
Whether we do it consciously, or not...
It happens.
And for those who notice it in othres, it's amusing to watch.

Pfft. I'm so tired of studying.
Seeing thh same stuff over and over and over and over again, pressurising yourself to do the same things over and over and over again and hearing the people around you sauying the same things over and over and over again...
It gets seriously tiring after a while.
Not to mention irritating/frustrating/anger-inducing...

GAH. I think we're ironies now, more so than ever.
Most of us, if not all, know the importance of the O LEVEL EXAMS.
BUT, a good number of us aren't working hard enough or to our expectation.
What ever happened to peaking at the right moments? (and not..uhh. Nevermind.)
Or PERFORMING TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITIES??
HAHA. It's so amusng how I can say all these things,
and STILL be unhappy with my level of commitment, regarding my work.

PFFT. This is so irritating.
No wonder some people just give up and go crazy.
(AHEM, selfp. Acting out =/= GOING out of our house(x )
Haha. I think at this point in time, all of us just need a bit of RANDOMNESS.
SO!...

WE ATE RICE IN THE HALL TODAY!!!MWAHAHAHAH!!!!
If only we had ikan bilis. It would've been like nasi lemak if we did.
And we were SO FULL we had to play caiquan and zhoujimima to get rid of the left over cake.
OH!!! HOW COULD I FORGET!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MALITAA...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!(:

May you (NOT!!) continue to be the smelly we all know. (HAHA. I'M SO FUNNY I CAN'T STAND MYSELF. *mingjin's/malita's/daddy's imaginary voices: ZI HAI.*)
And may you watch many many many many more NC-16 shows~!
(LEGALLY, of course. Pffft. Such a big headache, the last time round...(x )

ALRIGHTY THEN! I'M OFF TO CONQUER (or, hopefully, to START conquering) MOUNTAINS OF WORK!!! *ties heavy pink blanket around neck* *chokes* *loosens blanket to prevent suffocation (I'M SO SMART!!!(: )* *puts a hand on hip and thrusts (HAHAHA. HANDS and not hips...) the another (Like you know, on grad night last year?) into the (NONO, not like THAT, selfp.) air* (Pfft. Such weird thinking...) *runs away in a whirlwind of heavy pink cloth*

(Insert disturbed looks from rachel and jazzy. Also include a jaw drop from rach,
upon seeing the OFFENSIVE, PINK blanket)

Okay, SUGAR REFILL, ANYONE?!

It's so pointless thinking bout things that are beyond your control.
Techinically, it's pointless thinking about people and their reactions too.
'Cos everyone's unpredictable at one pt in time or another, and there's no telling when the next moment will be, so i guess there's really no point trying to analyse some one or their reactions.
And that's why i don't quite understand why the majority of females do it anyway.
Maybe we're too paranoid, in the midst of becoming anal or utterly irritable.
Or it could just be the PMS.
Regardless, sometimes i think we worry too much for our own good.
Over thinking never leads to anything good...

Pfft.

...You know that if this earth should crack,
I'll be your solid ground.
I wwill be there to catch you when you fall down.

Whatever you want, whatever you need;
whatever it takes, I'd do anything.
If i had to crawl, get down on my knees...
Whatever it takes, i'd do anything.
--Anything. The calling.

I'm obsessed;
with too many things apparently...

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imagine you'd be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
Your silent whispers, silent tears.
--Memories.Within Temptation.

Lessons are becoming more intense again.
not with the urgency to cover topics that have yet to be taught,
but by the pressure of the impending Os.
there're so near now..
less than five week away.
our bio practical is on the 17th.
nail biting, hair pulling, hand wringing...
tsk.not yet, i guess.
just mental trauma distress for now.
ooh.papers, papers and MORE papers!
not to mention our own revision agendas.
there are only so many things we can do in one day..
sometimes, i wish fatigue didn't exist.

SLOTH.one of the seven deadly sins.
ANGER.the most destructive of the seven deadly sins.
we just don't recognise sin, when we do.
only when it's too late...
what's the use?
time to put time to good use.
i should ban myself from the computer and the tv.
i SHOULD.but i know i CAN'T.
unless you tell me the exams have been re-scheduled to start tomorrow...
but isn't that how everyone's supposed to think, by now?
..at least, that's what we're convinced to think anyway.

Is it right?
Is it wrong?
sigh.i should be single minded to a fault, now.
but i'm hardly even focused.
some people stress me out.
they're already so far along with their revision..
and they're studying like CRAZY now.
while i, well...
haven't started.
ugh.enough moaning and groaning.
TIME TO GET TO WORK.

I WILL GET OFF THIS BLOODY COMPUTER.
I CAN DO THIS.
I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO TEMPTATION.
I WILL NOT SLEEP EXCESSIVELY either.
I CAN DO THIS.

goal one: not to touch the computer till next friday.
let's see if i make it...

The post-exam enjoyment/happiness has to die down now.
it's time to start mugging again.
this time, for a more important exam.
it's funny how our lives keep piling the exams one on top of another.
literal, spiritual, emotional, physical...
and we can't do anything but drag ourselves through.
but i bet everyone knows that;
what's the point in stating the obvious?
or stating the things that have been overly said, to the point of becoming cliche?
we live as we live.
end of story. ellipses.

TSK.impending decisions...
where to go? how much more do i have to do?
WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I DO?
time's running. the clock's started.
then again, when has anyone been interested in that?
everyone knows time doesn't stop.
what point is there in doing the things we do, anyway?
the only certainty we have in birth, is death..
read that somewhere.
i thought Paulo Coelho's 'Veronika Decides to Die' was a starnge book at first.
but i guess, i understand now.
it really isn't so pointless trying to end life now,
whilst we're still looking good,
since life is so pointless anyway.
is there more to life?
sometimes, i wonder why God made me human.
to save more humans? to being misery to the Earth?
to be happy and to live?
to be saved?
the onus is on us, now, to save others.
with-holding treasures for selfish enjoyment is punishable.
...well, then.is that really the purpose of living?

God, is there an answer?
a step forward in faith; a step backward in guilt

No one likes sadness or complication.
so, let this be a happy post.

WOW.i'm going to start STUDYING next week.
I.CAN'T.WAIT!
the world is a bright and beautiful place!
people are as they seem, innocence stays with you your whole lifetime!
everything is perfect.
i could never ask for more!

haha.it's so easy to be happy.
but realise that when we are,
we can't really narrate it;
not as well as we define or describe negativity.
(for the normal person at least)
perhaps, it's cos we all secretly want empathy.
perhaps, even pity.
all of us want someone who undertands;
but above all, we all want someone who tries to understand us cos it shows our worth, as humans.
it's so easy to understand those who are understandable.
but can we be considered understanding if we ONLY try to understand those people?

sigh, sometimes the sterotypes can be so wrong...

ohwell.it's off to TRY TO start studying!
how HAPPY!

(selfp, like teh songs much?(x )
Within Tempation.Angels.
Sparkling angel, I believe
You were my savior in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
No mercy, no more.
No remorse, cause I still remember...
The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why;
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember...
The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
It doesn't give you a reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

I guess this week has been relatively good.
Praise God. He heard my prayers and answered them.
And now, i'm relying on Him again to show me where i should go.
I'm sure He'll provide me with a sign, in due time.
He never fails. I know that now.

I'm in love with a song from the GOOFY MOVIE.
hahaha.my sister's fault--
she found an anime music video using the song as background music.
HILARIOUS.
hahaha.so, now, i'm addicted to the song.
WOOHOO.i'll probably be singing that after the Os.
haha, but i'll guess it'll apply FOR A WHILE, for now(x
SO CUTE.

After Today. A Goofy Movie.
They've been laughin' since I can remember
But they're not gonna laugh anymore
No more "Maxie the geek", no more "Goof of the week"
Like befooore

No more algebra tests 'til September
No more lookin' at losers like him
No more more havin' to cheat
No more mystery meat
No more gym
No more gym
No more gym
No more gym!

Gonna move to the mall!
Gonna live in the pool!
Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool!

'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruisin'!
After today she'll be mine!
After today my brains will be snoozin'!
If I don't faint I'll be fine!
I've got forty more minutes, of home economics
Then down with the text books
And up with the comics!
Just think of all the time I've been losin'
Finding the right thing to say!
But things will be going my way, after today

She looked right through me, and who could blame her?
I need a new me, plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof, and
After today I'm gonna be cruisin'!
No more pep rallys to cut! Yech!
After today my brains will be snoozin'!
I'm gonna sit on my butt
I've got less than an hour, and when this is ended
I'll either be famous..
Or you'll be suspended!

Just think of all the time I've been losin'
Waiting untill I could say ...
Gonna be on my own, kiss the parents goodbye
Gonna party from now 'till the end of July
Things'll be going my way, after todaaaaaaay...

I wish that this was the day after today.

HAHAHAHA(x
oh well.so much for day dreaming.
it's time to hit the books...
AGAIN.
(i want my six points.BADLY.)
hurhur.i think we're all weird.
HAHAHA.funny.

i guess i was wrong.
anyway i put it now, i'll always be wrong when it comes to you.
so, it's good.
i don't understand.
and you can finally leave this behind.
perhaps, you finally see my point.my worthlessness...
and decide that you're worth more than this.

Perhaps...

Results back today.
half of the papers, at least.
i have hope, still.
but for how long will it last?
SIGH.only tomorrow will tell...

We're into midweek already.
the days pass so quickly, now.
tsk.and we really have to start work all over again.
kinda hard when you still don't know where your prelim results might take you.
an excuse? a reason?
haha, i don't know why i'm deluding myself.
BAH.WORK.NOW.
don't look back; cannot look back.

All things are possible in Him.
with all i'm holding inside,
i trust Him to deliver me.
i trust Him to help me, like He always does.
WE HAVE HOPE YET.

Sec threes taking their exams now.

hmmm.64774643837984464, eh?
i guess.and you're right.
what can i say now, anyway?
you've resolved to walk on.
and that's different from 64774643837984464.
even if you believe it isn't.

A bowling session taught me a lesson.
The machine was faulty,
so some people got some extra chances to bowl,
and make up for what they didn't manage to do the first time round.
It was a 'second chance', so to speak.
others, however, weren't as 'lucky'.
Some kept saying that if you waited long enough,
'luck' would eventually come to you.
Well, that never happened.

It made me think;
why do some people get second chances in life?
will we wait in blind anticpation till luck comes a knocking?
or will scepticism get to us first and make life miserable?
DON'T ALL OF US DESERVE SECONDA CHANCES?
why is it, then, that some people don't get those chances,
especially after making so many (DAMNED) mistakes?

Another funny thing that happened was that after every strike or spare,
that bowler would lose her 'luck' and do..
comparatively worse.
It's strange, but it happens in life too.
I guess that's why people hoard things, hoard people;
because they don't want to let go of the things they painstakingly begged/borrowed/stole/worked their souls out/betrayed themselves to get.
But what if we had to let them go?
What if life really doesn't do well after hitting the peak?
Can we quit, then? Will we quit?
will we call life a 'waste of time and money'?
Or will we sulk, simply cos we aren't good enough?
CAN we be better?
Does practice EVER make perfect?
Or is it yet another ideal?

Sometimes, i wonder where God is in all this.
Does He see us wodnering and laugh at our immaturity?
Or does He sigh and pity us for living with such warped preception?
IS HE EVEN THERE?
Does He even care?

...sometimes, i wonder.
But i never get my answers.

I realise that when i want something too much,
I keep telling myself that i MUST do it;
I keep forcing myself to believe i need it more than i really do.
Then, i lose my cool and everything falls apart.
Perhaps, it's just better to forget what i want.
Or forget pursuing of it.
So that, finally, God would be fair.
Seems like everything now is an endless pursuit anyway;
we want GOOD GRADES, we want to get into a GOOD JC, we want to get into a GOOD UNI STREAM, we want to have a GOOD CAREER, we want to live a GOOD LIFE.
chasing, Chasing, CHASING.
WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP?
Then, I remember that we have a cjhoice;
we COULD make all this go away;
we COULD stop wanting anything.
But we don't, and CHOOSE to continue lamenting when things don't go our way.
We're all probably more stupid than we think.

WHY do we care for what people think ANYWAY?
I can ask for ALL eternity,
yet KNOW at the end of the day,
all of us care what the next person thinks of us,
simply because we are humans seeking acceptance.
EVEN WHEN we act as if we don't care.
MAYBE one day, we'll FINALLY decide to TRULY disregard everyone's opinion of us.
HAH, if that be the case,
most of us will end up butt naked on the street with nothing to our name,
simply because it's EASIEST to,
and simply because we DON'T care any more.
WHY, then, are these people labelled CRAZY,
when they've achieved something NONE of us have yet to achieve?
they are 'pioneers' in their own right.
yet, society shuns them and tries to covre up this 'blemish'.
perhaps, this blemish lies within us.
perhaps, we don't want anything enough to do it SIMPLY BECAUSE we want to do it.
perhaps, opinions shouldn't have as much impact on us as they do now.
perhaps, we really shouldn't care.
it's our right, as human beings, anyway...

...right?

HAHAHA.
sometimes, we do things prematurely,
and hope with bated breath that we will never come to regret the things we do.
RIGHT TIMING.
always counts.

Haha, riiight.

ONE MORE DOWN, ONE MORE TO GO.
Physics practical on thursday...
yet, the celebrations are starting tomorrow.
haha, we're SAVOURING every moment.
i don't know how geniuses do it;
or how people can study 24/7..
or somewhere near there.

Ever wanted to be alone?
just for the sake of avoiding other people?
have you ever felt the need to rediscover yourself,
for fear that you don't know yourself any more?
have you ever wanted to remain permanently invisible;
to be blotted out of everyone's lives?

have you ever feared yourself?
or feared the things you would do when no one's observing?
have you felt the need to hide yourself away,
for fear that you'll hurt someone else again?
have you ever felt afriad that you'll become someone you don't want to be?
or felt constricted, simply because you feel that the decision has already been made?
have you ever asked yourself why you fear?
or what causes fear?

have you? do you? will you ever?

..sometimes, i think i'm abnormal for questioning.

Less than a month away from the Os.
and i'm already tired, worn out.
tsk.shameless.
unbearable temptations, fantasies of SIMPLICITY.
all these whilst staring at my books.
through which i'm supposed to GLEAN INFO.
sheesh.whatever happened to 'focus' or 'determination'?
pfft.i hope for ALL our sakes that we can pick up the pace again once we've exhausted ourselves with..ENJOYMENT.
haha.what a funny thought.

till then,
let the fun begin.

THE WEEKEND IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!!
*jumps around*
OKAY, even if the papers didn't go AS WELL..
I'M STILL HAPPY THEY'RE OVER.
i can forget bout an A for ss/geog.
doubtful with regard to phys, bio and chem.
HOPEFUL for amath.heheh.
and there's still emath and chinese next week.
ahh, of course, not forgettting the practicals.
(4/I's in shift TWO for bio! and shift ONE for phys!(: )
i predict that this weekend's gonna be..
SLACK.
haha, if today's anything to go by...
VERY SLACK.
and i'm loving every minute of it(x

it's kinda sad;
gotta start working HARD for Os right after the prelims.
tsk.the time we have to savour is SO SHORT...
i bet some are already working on their post prelim schedules.
goodness, the stress of being left behind.
ohwell.

to all who are taking a form of exam or another: JIAYOU!(:

hmmm.feeling especially...happy today.
somthing must be wrong(x
(learning too quick eh, selfp?(x
and don't worry.you'll do JUST FINE.)