i hope i can make it.
i hate myself.
pressure's building.
can i make it?
should i make it?

i dont know.

i'm scared.
i'm angry.
i'm not stressed enough.

the air smells...funny.and i dont like it.
it smells so familiar..smells like fear..anxiety..
i remembers this smell from a few years back.
i was terrified then, cant remember of what.
i was so scared, so alone, so helples...
and all i could do was breathe in the fresh air,
of how it smelled after it rained..
and wish that everything would just go away..
that everything would just fade into oblivion..
that i would be saved.

though years have passed,
though i'm different...
the air still smells the same.
and now, more than ever, i wish for the same thing...

Alanis morisette.hands clean~
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years i would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And i have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and i like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protégand one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and i think i like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And i have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish i could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done
Up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm
Body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh i don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

i hate maths.and because of maths, i'm saying goodbye to triple science.
dont do anything stupid?..easier said than done, dear.

i should be studying.
i haven't been able to do much of that lately.
sigh.
i should plan my study timetable.
for next week at least.
so pressurized by rani.
i must be disciplined.
i must keep to the schedule.
i cannot slack.
i hope it's enough.
i hope i'm not too late.

...i hope i can get in.

i can.
i must.
i will.

9 days to english EYE.
20 days to MT EYE.
24 days to science and history.
27 days to geog.
28 days to MATHS.
29 days to lit.

29 days to freedom...

jaz: hu in the world will blog bout this type of stuff? *shocks*

let me complete my revision
PLEASE
let me get good grades
PLEASE
let me go into triple science
PLEASE
let me be happy...

Please...

ahh.the last post was rubbish..just needed to let off some steam..betrayal doesnt feel good..sorri if i offended anyone!!

going back to studying.let's see..the past few days have been stupidly slack.and i'm WAY behind schedule now..gotta catch up real quick.dun wanna fail again.just too terrible a feeling.hope i can finish my study timetable..or am i being too amibitious?stupid, maybe?or...

know what?i'm already thinking bout what to do after the exam when they havent even began yet..i suck man.need to find more motivition..a ALOT more discipline and a heck of a lot more pressure..i wondering why i'm not dead yet?..my life and academic lives are SO screwed.what have i gotten myself into??

hiya people..miss you guys!!!!!!3days to sch opening..to seeing you guys and to EARING MY NOODLES SWIMMING IN CHILLI!!!..haha.c y'all.(:

Why.
Just tell me why.
I feel betrayed.
Offended.
I thought you were "nice"
a "friend"...
or was it all a farce?
Screw you.
Go bitch all you want.
See if i care.

Can somebody take the knife out of my back?

I got a second wake up call today.
indirectly concerning my studies.
I need to revive my faith.
I need to study for God.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. --Philippians 4:13


Revival.

Everyone's telling me not to get stressed.
The cold truth is..i'm not.and that's where i have my problem.
how can i get stressed?
i don't know anymore, i just don't know.

You know, sometimes, alot of times,i plan useless timetables for myslef, hoping it'll help me break my descipline drought.
But you know what?
They're USELESS.
Like me.
Know why?
'cause i let myself get carried away while taking my breaks.
But i cant seem to stop that tendancy.
I know my problem, yet why cant i remedy it?
'cause i lack the descipline.
i lack the perseverance.
i lack the determination.

I hate myself.