My life is like...
mud.
People step on it,
Trample over it,
Yet never give a thought to what it is they are stepping on.
They leave their marks in that puddle of mud,
Yet never knowing they did so.
And, there are some who avoid it totally.
They see it as filth,
As things to be stepped OVER;
They are disgusted with its mere existence,
Something to be forgotten,
Something to be repelled.
Bottom line is,
It's forgotten,
It's seen as an object of disgust.
It melts with rain,
Hardens with the sun.
It's so..volatile.
It's neither here nor there,
Never fitting in,
Never being clearly classified.
Others know what they are,
Do i?
Haha.
I analyze social groups,
But I never noticed I was an outcast,
Totally different from the rest.
I know who they are,
I know who I am.
I know I don't belong.
So, why do I try?
Cos I want to fit it,
But I know I'll never be able to.
I can only remain as mud,
Despised, avoided, repelled.
Perhaps one day I'll break free from my 'volatile state'.
Perhaps.
but, unlikely.
Highly unlikely.
So maybe one day,
I'll just stop.
I wonder how I'd be like on that day...
Hey, I don't mind actually.
It's better than lying to yourself.
Maybe the process has already begun...
people are getting tired of reading my endless complaints,
disguised as blog entries.
I know that full well.
Haha.
I should just stop this.
It's a burden to everyone.
Haha..then, I think.
So what if it is?
It's patronage to myself.
I don’t owe it to anyone.
Deny myself of the outlet of my frustrations?
I think not.
I'm done with mindless sacrifices.
I'm done with pleasing others.
I'm selfish, I admit.
But that's the way the world works.
Accept it, or live in denial the rest of our short lives.
So, the process has begun.
Sacrifices for myself,
That's a new concept,
But I'm not hating the idea...

*des,
Thanks.
But, it's not that I don’t trust you.
I don't see the point in continuing..
I’m going a different way.
I hate the old path.
Perhaps you’re not willing to walk this one with me,
But I don't mind;
Cos you've been walking with me for so long,
I can't ask for anymore.
This is a tribute to you and what you've done for me.

Lifehouse.you and me.
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

how.
how do you change somehting beyond your control?
how do you rectify situations seemingly beyond repair?
how do you worry for something apparently non-existant?
why.
why do people pretend so?
why do people put up a facade to make placate others?
why are people so selfless?
what.
what's going on?
what do you want to tell me?
what exactly's happening?

people are so stupid sometimes.
so, so stupid.
their stupidity is incredulous!!
outwardly, they are the admired.
the accimplished.
but, what exactly's going on?!
inert strifes,
internal conflicts.
you try not to let us know about it.
no..
you conceal it.
yet,
you disclose them,
to me.
WHY!
why burden me with this?1
is it not unfair?
you *****!!
you THINK i wont worry.
you THINK i'm irresponsible.
you THINK i can make myself devoid of emotion.
you THINK i'm unpreceptive.
even after all i've done...
i'm disappointed.
i thought you knew me better.
i'm wrong, again.
i'm always wrong.
for your highyl primitive brain,
i am all of the above.
i do what others dont.
dont underestimate me.
i make not look alot of things;
but facts still stand.
i am, who i am.
you cant change me,
not many can.
i've tried to,
but i became sorry for doing it.
haha.
this world is so ironic.
when i thought it pushed me for change,
i'm rebuked for my efforts.
hahaha.
i'm amused.
thoroughly amused.
i want to see what other things life can throw at me.
regret is one of it's biggest 'presents' so far.
humility, subservience its next.
subservience to situations, to emotions;
i thought i could control,
but again, i am wrong.
why...?
i ask, in pure, unadulterated agony.
WHY?!
WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO?!
why?!
do i really deserve it?
DO I?!
am i just a vessel..?
a vessel for YOUR frustration?!
..it seems like i am.
it seems like i am..
the irony of it all..
one is blissfully oblivious,
and hurtfully ignorant;
and the other,
painfully paranoid,
and antagonizingly perceptive.
why is it me?
why is it always me?
i dont want to bear with this any longer.
if being sorry isnt enough,
i might as well just be rid of my existance,
since no one seems to bother anyway.
and for those PRECIOUS few who do,
i am sorry.
for everything i've done.
i do not deserve you love and acknowledgement.
my dear, dear hotfamily...
i miss you so badly.
oblivion was upon me then,
BLISSFUL oblivion.
i knew nothing,;
and i reveled in the sheer happiness of it..
but the times have changed.
there is a toally new game plan.
we have parted our own ways.
things wont be quite the same anymore.
i never wanted to close that chapter,
but it's all part of acceptance.
and that's what i must learn.
i thought it had already been calibrated within my existance,
but obviously it hasnt.
how do you relearn things you ought to know?
with patience...
woth patience...

so i bid you all a fond farewell..
my memories of you all will be kept in my heart forever.
you dont know how much i miss you guys.
you dont know who much i regret some of the things i said,
some of the things i did.
i wish i hadnt been so stupid.
i lost one companion as it is.
and what a bloody waste.
i wish i wasnt so stupid.
you dont know how much i love you guys,
but that isnt an excuse for being frustrated.
so, guys,
this is where i leave my memories of the old you.
i'm going change it all.
i'm going to right it all tonight.

i love the hotfamily...

I'm sorry for...
1.being petty.
2.being irresponsible.
3.being to f*cking self-centered.
4.thinking i'm something i'm not.
5.disappointing people.
6.making promises i cant keep.
7.not helping, when i can.
8.causing people to worry for something that i'm supposed to be responsible for.
9.pulling others down with me when some one berates me for my my problem.
10.causing people to pay attention to me.
11.causing the world to acknowledge me.
12.causing people probelms because i'm not competent enough.
13.not being able to solve things that i should be able to.
14.not being there when i'm needed.
15.having problems that i should not.
16.being too selfish.
17.not contributing enough.
18.playing too much.
19.not working hard enough.
20.not doing what is expected of me.
21.conflicting other people's interest and opinions.
22.not being subservient to the needs of others.
23.not seeing the things i should.
24.not being the person is should.
25.not getting things done on time.
26.procrastinating.
27.not being smart enough.
28.not being diligent enough.
29.not having enough self control.
30.implicating others.
31.associating with people i'm not worthy of.
32.trying to be someone different.
33.trying to do something out of the norm.
34.trying.
35.changing.
36.every lie i've told.
37.everything i've failed to do.
38.not being the "role model" that i should be.
39.not being perfect.
40.BEING ME.

see?
exactly forty reasons for anyone to hate me.
i bet the class does.
everyone has a reason to.
i bet everyone who knows me does;
they probably can tick off the list
and find all that i am sorry for is true.
i expect not be associated with anyone anymore..
because, that is what i deserve.
i'm glad there are some who have already started the punishement.
carry on,
you dont need approval from anyone,
only the tortured.
and hey,
i'm loving every minute of it.

LEADERS INVESTITURE 2005 ROCKED!
I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH!
KUDOS TO THE EXCO 2005.
I LOVED THE INVEST!(:
THE DANCES ROCKED!(: (:

Life is a series of never ending events.
Most are disappointing, embarrassing and hateful.
that's why no one remembers the good times.
that's why there are more and more cases of depression every year.
people simply have forgotten how to look at the good things in life.
isnt it sad?
we're brought into this world to enjoy it;
but why, then, do we only remember the bad memories?
..unless we were not nrougt here to enjoy the ride.
unlss we were brought here only as a sense of responsibility.
i believe most of us are not.
it cant be.
..or are we really living in denial everyday?
the endless debate in my mind is so amusing.
it's almost schizophrenic.
haha.
there's always this side which tells of the good side of life;
the one which says that life is meant to be enjoyed.
that it's a never ending roller coaster ride,
you only have to sit back and enjoy the ride.
then, there's always the other side.
ever the cynic.
criticising all of life's goodness,
questioning all of its morals.
looking for ways to break the unchaning mindset,
that life is enjoyable.
haha.
i dont know who to believe anymore.
someone i see the positve side of life,
and for once,
life doesnt seem as un-livable as i thought it to be.
but.
there's always a 'but', isnt there?
more often than not,
it's always easier to identify with the miserable side of a person.
the one who looks on he darker side of life,
the one who is lurking in the darkness of your soul.
waiting.
ever waiting;
to consume your soul,
to give you comfort in knowing that life IS bad.
that life is un-livable.
i dont know where this is going,
but i do know one thing.
it takes courage to face life everday.
it take perseverance to wake up in the morning thinkinh that life's gonna be ok for one day.
it takes guts to admit you're scared bout what's going to happen,
yet having anticipation for the new day ahead.
i know all of that;
it's a matter of application.
and those are the skills i lack.

someone once told me that i know the problem and solution to things,
but i just dont do them.
haha.
wise soul, that guy is.
i wonder if he knows them too.
if he does and did..
then, our lives wont be so screwed up,
would they?
wait that was an over statement.
my life was never screwed up.
i just keep thinking it is.
people have worse peoblems than me,
what am i doing then?
pitiying myself?
is it fair to the rest?
haha.i dont think so.
then again, life is unfair.
i hate my life.
it's just too bloody uneventful.

i dont even know what sense i'm making of this.
i need a clearer head.
greater depression.
it's refreshing.
now, i know why i choose it over happiness.

the LIVING of life,
is the hardest thing to do.

The HOTfamily went out today.
to seoul garden.
it just reminded me of how much i miss all of them.
their acceptance,
their whole hearted understanding.
i was brought back to a time where
all of us were together, as one.
where camaraderie was strong,
where all of us loved the other,
just because we were who we were.
there were not many conditions.
just to be who we were.
now, it pains me to see that
we had to go our separate ways.
to our separate classes.
it's just sad that we couldnt stay together,
just a little bit longer,
just a little more time together.
i miss all of them;
each and every one of them.
i miss them for who they represent in my life,
for their contribution to who i am today.
for making me feel like i actually belonged,
for the first time in my life.
for making feel special,
when i know i'm not.
for helping me dsicover who i am,
when i thought i knew all i had to.
for pulling me up,
when i thought i'd stay down forever.
though in different classes now,
it's good to know that they, too,
still miss this odd family.
that they still wish they were in 2m '04.
if i had one wish,
it would be to repeat sec 2 all over again.
2004 held so many special memories.
i didnt ever want to let it go,
but i had to.
life goes on.
but memories stay.

i miss all of you...

daddy - grace
mummy - sarah
step mummy/cousin - ziling
uncle - jazzy
aunty - vivian
step aunty - dolly
cousin - zi yan
sisters - rachel j and ash
step cousin - achala [we'll rebuild things.]
doggie! - audrie
---especially---
laogong - zhen luan
darling daughter - evelyn

i will never forget you guys.
take care always.
i love you all!!

zhen luan's right.
nothing's worth looking for in the past,
everyhthing's worth hoping for in the future.
relfections will come,
and evantually go.
there's no point trying to change the past--
it's impossible.
make the future.
there's still today.
ther's still hope for tomorrow.
"tomorow will be a better day"
why not make TODAY a better day?
it's better then living in the past,
isnt it?
it's better than living in the memory
of pain, embarrasment and anguish.
what's there, then?
mistakes were meant to be made.
things were made to be rectified.
and life goes on;
as it always has.
no point remaining reticent,
if you can speak out and change destiny.
there is no such thing as "fate".
"our future is in our hands".
overly cliche and overrated;
but it still brings meaning to those who search for it;
it still brings significance to situations.
so why no live by THAT mantra?
..of always living for the moment;
not for the past,
not for the future.
but, for this very moment.
as the sands of time pass through the hour glass,
they will never again come back.
every moment counts toward our happiness,
towards our every being.
why not live for THAT,
instead of wallowing of what "could have been",
or what "could be"?
it's fruitless trying to predict the future;
cos our present actions can change all of that in a second.
live for today.
have no regrets tomorrow.
do what you must today,
dont always live in denial that there will always be tomorrow.
you never know when the world will end.
dont leave regrets behind.
they are the things that hold you back,
from going forward.
they are chains to our wrists and ankles,
that lock you to your past.
the key?
in acceptance of that regret;
in determination to move on.
then, only, will the shackles break loose,
and the person set free.
she again, can fly,
fly toward a better tomorrow.
isnt that what we all want?

but,
there is always a "but" to any decision.
this are always easier said than done.
only fools will think it the other way around.
reality beckons us to wake from our slumber of denial.
nothing in this world is perfect.
nothing as remarkable as that can be achieved so fast.
then, how do we conquer the "but"?
i dont know.
i really dont.

that is why life is one big question mark.
the essential answers are missing;
there is no real definition.
we have to come up with them;
experience them;
live them.
only, then, will we appreciate life for what it truly is.
unadulterated joy?
or agony?
the choice is ours.
"our future is in our hands".

no longer the irony of life,
but the discovery of it.

the things people say smoetimes.
haha.
it makes ME laugh at the iront of it all.
they dont want us to conform to tradition,
to conform to the norm.
then, in that case,
what makes them think we will conform to them?
if they are teaching us to rebel against tradition,
then what makes them think we'll alter our mindsets to ONLY rebel against tradition?
it seems incredulous that people have such contradictory thoughts going through their head.
receptive and accepting?
why should we be if you are not yourself?
it seems like a dictatorship to me;
even though you exhort that it isnt.
you actions speak louder than our words.

the hoidays have officialy started.
yet..
why do we find ourselves in school,
or loaded with homework?
arent holidays a time of rest?
a time to wind down before getting even more stressed next term?
that is the COMMON misconception.
the the homework and studying we have to do,
is worse than going to school.
it seems like the holidays are useless.
they're only for show.
a "FARCE".
isnt it?
but no;
no one will admit that.
only cowards like ourselves will talk in hushed tones,
determined to be rid of our greviences.
but it's ok.
there are plenty of cowards in this world,
who do not wish to see the demise of this world.
if everyone were so blatantly tactless,
there would be no relations between anyone.
some just choose to
"grin and bear it".
then, in that case,
can these people be considered cowards?

i find life more and more meaningless.
there're no more perspectives of life to explore;
no more philosophies to question.
common misconceptions have been rectified,
and in my eyes,
everything has been reduced to a standstill;
events have taken a short hiatus.
we humans can only remain reticent and watch the world go by.
we cannot speak out against the world;
no one would listen,
no one would care.
i cant say very many people do, anyway.
ever in the background;
ever watching,
but remaining silent.
no one listens.
self restraint is getting harder.
i thought it never was.
it only seemed fitting that i cnoformed to the needs of the rest.
i'm breaking out of my shell.
i hate life;
the way i see it now.
i hate who i've become;
the person i have to live with the rest of my life.
i have changed.
truly, truly changed.
ltb was right.
i thought i'd never see the day when i would say that.
but that day has come;
i hate it.
i hate everything about it.
i want to go back to who i was,
to the comfort zone i was in.
but no,
time cannot be turned back,
change is the only constant.
it's so sad the way things work--
we want it, yet we cant have it.
and we were supposed to be the ones making the rules.
haha.
how ironic,
how ironic...

every second in the present counts to the past.
every action made affects the future.

the holidays are here again.
how fast time flies.
its such a common phrase,
but people fail to notice it's true meaning.
what have we compleated in term one?
nothing..?
everything..?
it's a highly objective opinion.
but the facts still stand;
OAC's over.
we survived the 1st term of sec 3 life.
is that commendable?
or have we yet to justify our placing as sec 3s?
i dont know.
term one has been full of surprises;
twists and turns that most of us couldnt grasp.
my eyes opened,
large and wide this term.
and,
i t was horrible.
i saw the world as it truly was--
cold, harsh and desolate.
it was devoid of all things happy and warm.
haha.
and i thought the world was a wonderful place.
it is ironic,
the fellacy we were all brought up in;
constantly thinking that the world always offers better, brighter thing.
how wrong we were...
how so very worng.

conflicts.
arent they the things that gear us up for the future?
the harsh and competitive society?
the disappointment we'll face?
the regret we'll often wallow in?
it is true;
they dissolve faster when you face them head on.
face it and move on.
conflicts only make one stronger;
yes, you may lose things that may have been treasured,
but that's the only way anyone grows.
but..
who am i to judge?
i've been running away from conflict my whole life.

Things have definitely cleared up.
it's strange how your perspective of things can just change in an instant.
it's strange how you can view some one in one light,
then another in a spilt second.
sre we human THAT fickle minded?
or is it just me?
..it must be me.
the whole world thinks so anyway.
i guess it will always be
"me against the world";
'cos no one will see anyone,
the way you do.
so what if you have all the perspective in the world?
not everyone will share the same view.
not everyone will see the person through your eyes.
in fact,
no one can see everything the way you do.
it's ultimately..
YOU.
no one else but you.
haha.
i thougt friends would understand everything.
i thought they would always be..there.
but i was wrong.
they can only count for a certain amount of comfort.
the rest of the recovery is up to you.

Everything changes perspective.
Perspective changes everything.
in that case,
shouldnn't we all be subject to ONE perspective,
so one would be offened if theirs were to differ?
or be outcasted because theirs differs from the norm?
but,
our free will is God given.
we should make "full use of it",
shouldnt we?
then comes the reflection of what can we do with it.
somehow it seems like this can only suffice to hurt individuals.
how troublesome.

the irony of life.

upset.
humiliated.
looked down upon.
pitied...?
i DO have an attitude problem.
i guess SHE'S right.
i hate her so much;
but i cant show it.
it wouldnt be "proper" of me.
what can one do then,
to make "ammendments"?
she could cost me my future in Cedar.
we have to prove to her our worth, huh?
prove to her our worth.
she wants the best for us.
of course, she does.

it's so worthless commenting ont his issue.
it's been exhausted more times than words can express.
it's nothing.
there's no point wasting time and tears over her...
right?
i didnt know the CPB suffered so much;
well,
now i know.

death seems better then the reality i have to face;
than the ammendments i have to make.
for one moment of weakness,
i have to pay so much.

death is so much better than this.

Hypocrites.
i'm "supposed" to be sorry as i'm saying this;
but i'm not.
no one's telling them to stop;
they can continue treating the rest like dirt,
like we're invisible.it's ok.
i'm used to it now.
insignificance.
i bet that's how everyone's made to feel in your prescence.
not that it's unusual.
they think you both are spontaneous;
"nice".
i dare not object the common view.

haha.
how ironic.
what goes around,
really DOES come around.
i've treated people like that.
now i have to pay with my own circumstance.
i guess i deserve it.
i guess i do.
"sorry" isnt a panacea.
it doesnt even help anymore.
human forgiveness is a fellacy.
nobody really forgives or forgets.
it's all locked.
just locked.
till the key is found again...

identity crisis?
identity crisis.
living in denial?
..of what?
my social standing?
..what else?
fools care about these superficial things.
i am a fool.
but i'm dont want to be one for any loner.
i want to change;
not care about anything,
not about people's opinions of me.
only for those who matter,
and myself.
never again do i wanna betray those who i have identified with,
those who have accepted me;
all of me.
never again do i wan to try for the acceptance,
i KNOW i wont receive.
i dont want to put my sanity on the line again.
it's already different as it is;
it's already saddening as it is.
i dont want any more shit.
dont expect any more from me.

it's harder to laugh nowadays.
it's been hard all term.
all year;
for the past 2 years.
never did i once think that it would finally be hard to laugh.
it came so naturally...
once.
now,
all is gone.
haha.
the irony of life..
the irony of life..

haha.
sometimes,
it gives you everything,
till it becomes an excess.
most of the time,
it leaves you with nothing,
till nothingness is left in its place.
moderation doesnt exist?
there's not even a need for the word.
everything's a fellacy.
haha.
and they told us to open our eyes to see the world.
the world IS only black and white.
only lenses discolour the vision of the fooled.





the irony of life.

Haha.
what a fool i've been.
how stupid.
how stupid.
i thought some one would understand.
apparently no one does.
haha.
i assume too much,
right?
PEOPLE's actions speak louder than my [ignored] words.
no one cares.
i try to for others.
but what's to be said?
i'm a "hypocrite" after all,
right?
conclusion:
i should just stop trying.
there's no point anyway.

*belle, sining:
i didnt mean anythig.
i just got angry.
please understand.
it's ok if you dont.
i'm subjected to that everyday anyway.

i'm coming into my own.
that's how i like to see it.
but,
i know it's not like that.
ousted.
outcasted.
whatever way you put it,
it's staring at you in the face.
i thought loneliness was my ally.
now,
i'm left staring it face to face.
acceptance.
that's all it takes, huh?
it's true to say the least.
ever the butterfly.
insignificant.
i never realized just how insignificant i was.
..till now.
haha.
gone are the days of complacency.
gone are the days of happiness.
gone are the days of camaraderie.
it was all fake.
everything's fake.
everything's one big lie.
how deluded i was.
what a fool i've been.
i never mattered.
i never existed.
i was just used.
a tool, maybe?
probably.
i realize that now.
what a fool i've been.
what a fool i'll be.
insignificance,
you've found your embodiment.
claim me now.
or whenever you please.
i'll always be waiting.
i've always been.
haha.
no one cares..
no one ever had.
rejected from the world.
outcasted by my own family.
welcome to my life.

but you know what?
i dont want to care anymore.
i act as if i dont,
but i know i do.
but this is where it ends.
all this revolting dependancy.
i've had enough.
i dont want to chase after acceptance anymore.
use me, dump me after that.
i dont care.
i'm not going to.
i'll put on a happy face for you all to see.
to feel like you didnt do anything wrong.
how many people do that?
..or am i being too pretentious?
i guess i am.
i'm thinking people care about of *I* feel.
haha.
what a joke.
you pass me by like i was there by default.
you pass me by like there was nothing wrong.
it's alright.
go and pour your attention on somebody else.
go;
it's alright.
you do that anyway.
dont act as if you care.
i bet you dont.
but..
the day you find you've been deluded..
dont some back to me.
i've been cleared by the rubbish collector.
i'm gone forveer, without a trace.
unwanted and insignificant.
i'm a virus..i'm poison.
avoided.
so..it's ok.
really.
nothing's wrong.
nothing has ever been.

questions.
you think you're all that?
you think you have alot of friends?
...
think again.
you think the world is made up of friends and camaraderie?
think again.
nothing is real.
ultimately,
it's you against the world.
it's black around you.
revel in its serenity.
revel in its unrivaled loneliness.
revel in the numbness.

i dare not ask for anything.
there the bell goes.
the happy face is back on.

hi!!hahaha!!i'm happy today!
i'm always happy!!
and when i am..
please feel free to pass me by!!
it's perfectly fine!!
i'm happy!!
..nothing can phaze me!

or that's what YOU think.

OAC'S OVER.
so many things happened.
the haapy times.
the funny times.
the camaraderie.
but most of all..
the disappoinment.
INSTRUCTORS--
we did what we thought should've been done.
we worked hard together.
we laughed together.
we scolded together.
we ate together.
we belayed together.
we got rashes together.
we died of sun burn together.
we GOT scolded together.
we felt guilty together.
we tried together.
we thought that
"tommorw will be a better day"
together.
we did everything together.
now that OAC's over.
regrets are redundant.
what's done is done, and cannot be undone.
we have achieved nothing, or something?
that view is objective.
but whatever iot is,
i know that we did it together.
we pulled through OAC.
everything..
everything.
the belaying, the hot sun, the bites and rashes,
the annoying resentment from the cammpers from time to time.
the stress from wanting to perform well
[but never really making it?]
it's ok.
it's ok.
yes..
we cried about it.
we talked bout it.
but more than anything in the world,
we felt guilty for it.
but now,
there IS nothing more to do.
if we make the leaders vut,
we'll make it better.
we wont disappoint.
i know we wont.
we just need to..
believe..

friendships found.
bonds strengthened.
i can only revel in the wonders OAC did for our camaraderie.
the RUSHED bath times, the sentry duties,
the pissifying meal times, the fun HIGH E AND TOWER,
the guilt trips during debriefs..
it brought us closer.
i know it.
many of us do.
it's ok.
it's ok.
we all know it.
we all will do it right the next time.
we wont disappoint anymore.
i know it.

"tomorrow will be a better day."