And we walk on.
the prelims are coming closer!
*gasp* monday -english; tuesday - chem prac.
haha.never thought that things would move so fast.
perhaps, if life were to slow down...
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
sometmies, we think we think think some things can be saved.
it's true that some things ARE saved in the end..
but that isn't a guaruntee for all cases.
maybe hope's redundant.
it lifts you up,
then plunges you back down to reality..
WITH SO MUCH PAIN.
it's sometimes better that we take a step back,
to analyse the situation; to consider a step forward.
or to just be; something we forget to do,
when we're so wrapped up in emotion.
I never meant it.
and i'm NOT pushing you out.
i just need TIME and DISTANCE.
it'll come back,
if things play right.
but till then,
I'm sorry.
HOT outing today!
mummy, daddy, jazzy, rachel, zi, vi, evelyn and zhenluan.
lunched at cartel, beofre catching 'lake house' at PS.
talked LOTS.caught up LOTS.
i finally understand.
haha.that LONG AWAITED understanding.
conversation was good, company was great.
i couldn't possibly have wanted anything more.
i'll miss all of you, come next year ):
i guess i'll just have to treasure what we have now,
and keep these memories close to me, when we'e all separated.
one good memory is enough.
it pulled so many through life;
i hope where ever we go,
these times will be able to pull us through.
Some one asked me something today.
'do you believe in fairytales?'
i guess fairytales exist to only those who belive in their existance;
to those who belive in happy endings.
what ARE fairytales?
are they manifestations of hope?
or something people use to run away from reality?
..some times, i think they're both.
and for the weirdest reason ever,
i thought back to the HOTs;
the 14 of us.
they're my fairytale;
my manfestation of hope that good companionship is ALWAYS possible,
even IN SPITE of all the shit we go through.
they're my hide out from reality;
their companionship is my haven.
and that feeling of being loved is good enough for me now.
so, do i believe in fairytales?
yes, i do.
cos i see them around me 5 days a week,
and i feel them 24/7(:
If you died today,
who will mourn your passing?
Anger, disappointment, betrayal.
they're all part of life.
insecurity plagues it.
you mightn't forget what they did to you,
for a long time to come.
but, take heart.
it's an experience gained.
you're smarter now;
and your passion can never really be wrong.
we're all scarred.
don't cry;
the tears cut deep into those who care for you.
it's true that some things ARE saved in the end..
but that isn't a guaruntee for all cases.
maybe hope's redundant.
it lifts you up,
then plunges you back down to reality..
WITH SO MUCH PAIN.
it's sometimes better that we take a step back,
to analyse the situation; to consider a step forward.
or to just be; something we forget to do,
when we're so wrapped up in emotion.
I never meant it.
and i'm NOT pushing you out.
i just need TIME and DISTANCE.
it'll come back,
if things play right.
but till then,
I'm sorry.
HOT outing today!
mummy, daddy, jazzy, rachel, zi, vi, evelyn and zhenluan.
lunched at cartel, beofre catching 'lake house' at PS.
talked LOTS.caught up LOTS.
i finally understand.
haha.that LONG AWAITED understanding.
conversation was good, company was great.
i couldn't possibly have wanted anything more.
i'll miss all of you, come next year ):
i guess i'll just have to treasure what we have now,
and keep these memories close to me, when we'e all separated.
one good memory is enough.
it pulled so many through life;
i hope where ever we go,
these times will be able to pull us through.
Some one asked me something today.
'do you believe in fairytales?'
i guess fairytales exist to only those who belive in their existance;
to those who belive in happy endings.
what ARE fairytales?
are they manifestations of hope?
or something people use to run away from reality?
..some times, i think they're both.
and for the weirdest reason ever,
i thought back to the HOTs;
the 14 of us.
they're my fairytale;
my manfestation of hope that good companionship is ALWAYS possible,
even IN SPITE of all the shit we go through.
they're my hide out from reality;
their companionship is my haven.
and that feeling of being loved is good enough for me now.
so, do i believe in fairytales?
yes, i do.
cos i see them around me 5 days a week,
and i feel them 24/7(:
If you died today,
who will mourn your passing?
Anger, disappointment, betrayal.
they're all part of life.
insecurity plagues it.
you mightn't forget what they did to you,
for a long time to come.
but, take heart.
it's an experience gained.
you're smarter now;
and your passion can never really be wrong.
we're all scarred.
don't cry;
the tears cut deep into those who care for you.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
you dread.
you don't want it to happen again.
yet, you're confronted with the fact that it is.
you can't run from it,
you can't hide from it.
it's you.
it's always been a part of you.
you thought you'd gotten rid of it..
you thought you were finally free; free to be whoever you wanted to be.
but your past haunts you.
and now, it's back;
at the wrong time,
in the wrong situation.
why is it you keep running?
what do you fear?
why keep asking, why keep going on?
you have no answers,
you're angry, frustrated.
and yet, you still have no answers.
you hate yourself.
you lead people on, then push them away.
you're a horrible person.
and yet, you still 'have people'.
hahaha.what irony.
why does that barrier exist?
why do you let it exist?
to keep yourself protected?
or to block people out?
do you fear hurt? rejection? disappointment?
why do you not let your guard down?
will there be a day, a person you'll be able to let through?
it's happened before; it destroyed who you are.
you see it happening again.
you're forced to think of your options;
to run? to hide?
or to confront it, knowing the same thing MIGHT happen again?
do you put yourself at risk?
or do you hurt the people you set out to comfort?
you don't know.
YOU DON'T know.
YOU DON'T KNOW!!!
damn it.DAMN IT.
of all the things NOT to know.
you're forced to make that decision again.
they're knocking.
will you let them in?
why do we avoid things in life?
out of fear? or rebellion?
against yourself? or for the 'greater good'?
why do we bother to define?
what happens when we're wrong?
I.don't.know.
i'm sorry; it was never my place to fill..
you don't want it to happen again.
yet, you're confronted with the fact that it is.
you can't run from it,
you can't hide from it.
it's you.
it's always been a part of you.
you thought you'd gotten rid of it..
you thought you were finally free; free to be whoever you wanted to be.
but your past haunts you.
and now, it's back;
at the wrong time,
in the wrong situation.
why is it you keep running?
what do you fear?
why keep asking, why keep going on?
you have no answers,
you're angry, frustrated.
and yet, you still have no answers.
you hate yourself.
you lead people on, then push them away.
you're a horrible person.
and yet, you still 'have people'.
hahaha.what irony.
why does that barrier exist?
why do you let it exist?
to keep yourself protected?
or to block people out?
do you fear hurt? rejection? disappointment?
why do you not let your guard down?
will there be a day, a person you'll be able to let through?
it's happened before; it destroyed who you are.
you see it happening again.
you're forced to think of your options;
to run? to hide?
or to confront it, knowing the same thing MIGHT happen again?
do you put yourself at risk?
or do you hurt the people you set out to comfort?
you don't know.
YOU DON'T know.
YOU DON'T KNOW!!!
damn it.DAMN IT.
of all the things NOT to know.
you're forced to make that decision again.
they're knocking.
will you let them in?
why do we avoid things in life?
out of fear? or rebellion?
against yourself? or for the 'greater good'?
why do we bother to define?
what happens when we're wrong?
I.don't.know.
i'm sorry; it was never my place to fill..
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