I guess this week has been relatively good.
Praise God. He heard my prayers and answered them.
And now, i'm relying on Him again to show me where i should go.
I'm sure He'll provide me with a sign, in due time.
He never fails. I know that now.

I'm in love with a song from the GOOFY MOVIE.
hahaha.my sister's fault--
she found an anime music video using the song as background music.
HILARIOUS.
hahaha.so, now, i'm addicted to the song.
WOOHOO.i'll probably be singing that after the Os.
haha, but i'll guess it'll apply FOR A WHILE, for now(x
SO CUTE.

After Today. A Goofy Movie.
They've been laughin' since I can remember
But they're not gonna laugh anymore
No more "Maxie the geek", no more "Goof of the week"
Like befooore

No more algebra tests 'til September
No more lookin' at losers like him
No more more havin' to cheat
No more mystery meat
No more gym
No more gym
No more gym
No more gym!

Gonna move to the mall!
Gonna live in the pool!
Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool!

'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruisin'!
After today she'll be mine!
After today my brains will be snoozin'!
If I don't faint I'll be fine!
I've got forty more minutes, of home economics
Then down with the text books
And up with the comics!
Just think of all the time I've been losin'
Finding the right thing to say!
But things will be going my way, after today

She looked right through me, and who could blame her?
I need a new me, plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof, and
After today I'm gonna be cruisin'!
No more pep rallys to cut! Yech!
After today my brains will be snoozin'!
I'm gonna sit on my butt
I've got less than an hour, and when this is ended
I'll either be famous..
Or you'll be suspended!

Just think of all the time I've been losin'
Waiting untill I could say ...
Gonna be on my own, kiss the parents goodbye
Gonna party from now 'till the end of July
Things'll be going my way, after todaaaaaaay...

I wish that this was the day after today.

HAHAHAHA(x
oh well.so much for day dreaming.
it's time to hit the books...
AGAIN.
(i want my six points.BADLY.)
hurhur.i think we're all weird.
HAHAHA.funny.

i guess i was wrong.
anyway i put it now, i'll always be wrong when it comes to you.
so, it's good.
i don't understand.
and you can finally leave this behind.
perhaps, you finally see my point.my worthlessness...
and decide that you're worth more than this.

Perhaps...

Results back today.
half of the papers, at least.
i have hope, still.
but for how long will it last?
SIGH.only tomorrow will tell...

We're into midweek already.
the days pass so quickly, now.
tsk.and we really have to start work all over again.
kinda hard when you still don't know where your prelim results might take you.
an excuse? a reason?
haha, i don't know why i'm deluding myself.
BAH.WORK.NOW.
don't look back; cannot look back.

All things are possible in Him.
with all i'm holding inside,
i trust Him to deliver me.
i trust Him to help me, like He always does.
WE HAVE HOPE YET.

Sec threes taking their exams now.

hmmm.64774643837984464, eh?
i guess.and you're right.
what can i say now, anyway?
you've resolved to walk on.
and that's different from 64774643837984464.
even if you believe it isn't.

A bowling session taught me a lesson.
The machine was faulty,
so some people got some extra chances to bowl,
and make up for what they didn't manage to do the first time round.
It was a 'second chance', so to speak.
others, however, weren't as 'lucky'.
Some kept saying that if you waited long enough,
'luck' would eventually come to you.
Well, that never happened.

It made me think;
why do some people get second chances in life?
will we wait in blind anticpation till luck comes a knocking?
or will scepticism get to us first and make life miserable?
DON'T ALL OF US DESERVE SECONDA CHANCES?
why is it, then, that some people don't get those chances,
especially after making so many (DAMNED) mistakes?

Another funny thing that happened was that after every strike or spare,
that bowler would lose her 'luck' and do..
comparatively worse.
It's strange, but it happens in life too.
I guess that's why people hoard things, hoard people;
because they don't want to let go of the things they painstakingly begged/borrowed/stole/worked their souls out/betrayed themselves to get.
But what if we had to let them go?
What if life really doesn't do well after hitting the peak?
Can we quit, then? Will we quit?
will we call life a 'waste of time and money'?
Or will we sulk, simply cos we aren't good enough?
CAN we be better?
Does practice EVER make perfect?
Or is it yet another ideal?

Sometimes, i wonder where God is in all this.
Does He see us wodnering and laugh at our immaturity?
Or does He sigh and pity us for living with such warped preception?
IS HE EVEN THERE?
Does He even care?

...sometimes, i wonder.
But i never get my answers.

I realise that when i want something too much,
I keep telling myself that i MUST do it;
I keep forcing myself to believe i need it more than i really do.
Then, i lose my cool and everything falls apart.
Perhaps, it's just better to forget what i want.
Or forget pursuing of it.
So that, finally, God would be fair.
Seems like everything now is an endless pursuit anyway;
we want GOOD GRADES, we want to get into a GOOD JC, we want to get into a GOOD UNI STREAM, we want to have a GOOD CAREER, we want to live a GOOD LIFE.
chasing, Chasing, CHASING.
WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP?
Then, I remember that we have a cjhoice;
we COULD make all this go away;
we COULD stop wanting anything.
But we don't, and CHOOSE to continue lamenting when things don't go our way.
We're all probably more stupid than we think.

WHY do we care for what people think ANYWAY?
I can ask for ALL eternity,
yet KNOW at the end of the day,
all of us care what the next person thinks of us,
simply because we are humans seeking acceptance.
EVEN WHEN we act as if we don't care.
MAYBE one day, we'll FINALLY decide to TRULY disregard everyone's opinion of us.
HAH, if that be the case,
most of us will end up butt naked on the street with nothing to our name,
simply because it's EASIEST to,
and simply because we DON'T care any more.
WHY, then, are these people labelled CRAZY,
when they've achieved something NONE of us have yet to achieve?
they are 'pioneers' in their own right.
yet, society shuns them and tries to covre up this 'blemish'.
perhaps, this blemish lies within us.
perhaps, we don't want anything enough to do it SIMPLY BECAUSE we want to do it.
perhaps, opinions shouldn't have as much impact on us as they do now.
perhaps, we really shouldn't care.
it's our right, as human beings, anyway...

...right?

HAHAHA.
sometimes, we do things prematurely,
and hope with bated breath that we will never come to regret the things we do.
RIGHT TIMING.
always counts.

Haha, riiight.

ONE MORE DOWN, ONE MORE TO GO.
Physics practical on thursday...
yet, the celebrations are starting tomorrow.
haha, we're SAVOURING every moment.
i don't know how geniuses do it;
or how people can study 24/7..
or somewhere near there.

Ever wanted to be alone?
just for the sake of avoiding other people?
have you ever felt the need to rediscover yourself,
for fear that you don't know yourself any more?
have you ever wanted to remain permanently invisible;
to be blotted out of everyone's lives?

have you ever feared yourself?
or feared the things you would do when no one's observing?
have you felt the need to hide yourself away,
for fear that you'll hurt someone else again?
have you ever felt afriad that you'll become someone you don't want to be?
or felt constricted, simply because you feel that the decision has already been made?
have you ever asked yourself why you fear?
or what causes fear?

have you? do you? will you ever?

..sometimes, i think i'm abnormal for questioning.

Less than a month away from the Os.
and i'm already tired, worn out.
tsk.shameless.
unbearable temptations, fantasies of SIMPLICITY.
all these whilst staring at my books.
through which i'm supposed to GLEAN INFO.
sheesh.whatever happened to 'focus' or 'determination'?
pfft.i hope for ALL our sakes that we can pick up the pace again once we've exhausted ourselves with..ENJOYMENT.
haha.what a funny thought.

till then,
let the fun begin.

THE WEEKEND IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!!
*jumps around*
OKAY, even if the papers didn't go AS WELL..
I'M STILL HAPPY THEY'RE OVER.
i can forget bout an A for ss/geog.
doubtful with regard to phys, bio and chem.
HOPEFUL for amath.heheh.
and there's still emath and chinese next week.
ahh, of course, not forgettting the practicals.
(4/I's in shift TWO for bio! and shift ONE for phys!(: )
i predict that this weekend's gonna be..
SLACK.
haha, if today's anything to go by...
VERY SLACK.
and i'm loving every minute of it(x

it's kinda sad;
gotta start working HARD for Os right after the prelims.
tsk.the time we have to savour is SO SHORT...
i bet some are already working on their post prelim schedules.
goodness, the stress of being left behind.
ohwell.

to all who are taking a form of exam or another: JIAYOU!(:

hmmm.feeling especially...happy today.
somthing must be wrong(x
(learning too quick eh, selfp?(x
and don't worry.you'll do JUST FINE.)

I can't belive i'm doing this.
it's two fucking days to the prelims.
and i'm online.
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!
i haven't even touched my ss/geog yet.
DAMN IT.
i'm gonna die a gory, bloody death once the papers start.
i'm fed up with myself.
if i was someone else,
i'd throw up my arms and walk away.
BUT, i seem to be attached to myself,
so i can't.
damn it.

This is so pathetic.
i'm complaining bout myself.
i might as well be partially schizo.
(if not totally)
damn.damn.damn.
and whatever happened to wanting to get into vj,
or wanting to get 7 pts for prelims?
..all i've done is to disappoint myself.
over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over,
and over..
again.

Everyone at home's been so..nice;
my mum and dad are getting us nice things to eat,
even my nee's been doing that.
my maid's been so nice;
saving me a trip upstairs.
i SHOULD be repaying their kindness with an unwavering determination to work,
with steadfast commitment to my STUDIES.
but nice is overrated.
and so are my attempts.

i ought to be shot.
maybe thrown into the atlantic ocean or sthg.

i SHOULD be off studying something to do with seeds or tourist arrivals,
but i know i won't.
i'll probably just day dream.
of what?..i don't even know.
i could make it sound better and say i'm meditating,
but i know better.

i'm all out of faith.
this is how i feel..

illusion never changed into something real.

Blast from the past.

There are SO MNAY things i wanna forget from sec 3.
so many things i regret doing,
so many people i regret letting go.
opprtune moments, pragmatism;
HAHA.i thought i could wait for those to come.
and, i realise now...
you can't.
they're meant for us to create.
what was there yesterday, might not be here today.
can we keep holding on?
or waiting for something to happen?
all of us have our 'what if's.
and i guess after all that has happened...
there are gonna be very few in my life from now on.

I miss my ex-angel.
i miss my ex-mortal.
two people who i let go last ear,
and never realised till this year.
VERY STUPID, huh?
but we all are, in retrospect.
maybe that's what i'd like to believe...
but it seems to be happeneing all the time.
time lost, time gained.
time... we have.
what we do now is what matters more than what we did a second ago,
or what we're gonna do a second from now.
we live NOW.
and, even if we decide to scale the walls we once left to crumble,
it's still something we're doing now.
perhaps, we'll conquer them this time.
maybe we'll meet the people on either sides of the wall.
maybe, finally, we'll find what we forsook on our way here.

carpe diem; seize the moment.

Today is just another day to rectify the mistakes i made yesterday.
a day is just another day, spent waiting impatiently for things to get done.
tomorrow will be be like today, and the day after that like tomorrow.
if life is really this pointless, i don't see the point in living.
we keep asking ourselves what we want from life..
we have all these ideals;
oh, great career, great friends... happiness.
but what do we REALLY want?
sometimes, i lose sight, and i don't know why i continue to live.
sometimes i think it's easier to just die--
to finally go up to heaven and be with God, eternally.
but i KNOW He placd me on earth for a reason.
i guess we're all placed on earth for a reason, then.
it's just a matter of time before we find it..

or so i'd like to think.

preferably a time before we go insane,
or become wasted (whichever comes first),
from waiting for diving direction.

and now, i'm wondering if there's even such a thing.
waiting is the single most difficult thing we're called to do.
hah, great truths.
little realisation, too late.

crack, crack, crack, break.

paranoia did no one any good.
neither did guilt.
so stupid; SO, SO STUPID.
to think i doubted.
someone should really just shoot me.

and so, the drama of the ****** syndrome starts.