you can't have the world,
even thought you want to.
i'd like to see selfishness as the part of us that never really grew up.
we're still that small kid,
wanting everything;
expecting the world.
and in that way,
our innocence is preserved.
then again,
reality doesn't accept innocnece.
it's wake up time.
i can't continue sleeping.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Josh Groban.Believe.
Children sleeping
snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling
like bells in the distance.
We were dreamers not so long ago.
But one by one we all had to grow up.
When it seems the magic slipped away,
we find it all again on Christmas day...
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.
Trains move quickly to their journey's end.
Destinations are we begin again.
Ships go sailing far across the sea.
Trust in starlight, to get where they need to be.
When it seems that we have lost our way,
we find ourselves again on Christmas day...
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.
Children sleeping
snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling
like bells in the distance.
We were dreamers not so long ago.
But one by one we all had to grow up.
When it seems the magic slipped away,
we find it all again on Christmas day...
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.
Trains move quickly to their journey's end.
Destinations are we begin again.
Ships go sailing far across the sea.
Trust in starlight, to get where they need to be.
When it seems that we have lost our way,
we find ourselves again on Christmas day...
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Present moment:
the world is caving in.
it's getting pitch black.
i can't see any more.
i don't know who's around me;
i don't know who's WITH me.
no one's in front of me,
no one's behind me.
insecurity knaws at my conscience.
perhaps, i shout too loud.
perhaps, i'm everything i shouldn't be.
perhpas, i was clueless.
perhaps, i still am.
but one thing's for sure;
i'm paying the price for it now.
..left alone;
servant to darkness,
lacky to inferiority.
The other side:
guilt is dissolving everything.
my hopes for an acceptable grade,
my hopes for future grades;
all gone.
all because of my stupidty,
because of my weakness.
procrastination is part of my life.
and now, sloth is catching on.
everything in the past was acceptable.
to me, at least.
i can't stand the person i am.
i don't know who i've become.
i ask myself who i am and how my values have morphed.
i draw a blank.
i cannot answer myself.
re-examination never helps.
so many things i could do,
but so many more things i have DONE.
nothing changes the past,
but the present changes the future.
what i'd give to live in the past.
what you do now, might change what you do in the future.
how i wish i could travel through time.
live a life in pure bliss.
in memories, in experiences.
nightmarish realities cast aside,
beckoning a happier past.
how perefct life would be,
if i could travel in time.
so, change the present, you say.
then, i will reply;
what good will the present do,
if it can't erase the past?
shying away from the light.
trepidation.anticipation.
warmth, a glorious warmth!
basking in light,
revelling in pleasures unknown.
quick, quick, quick.
it's whisked away.
thrown to the wind,
carried away by the night breeze.
stars ever seeing,
the skies are the limits.
darkness falls;
encased in that shell of gloom.
the candles go out.
the room is dark.
a shift.a slight movement.
cowering in a corner.
stifled gasps.smothered sobs.
"enough.please, enough."
no one hears.
the temperature dipped.
she was alone again.
she had always been alone.
the world is caving in.
it's getting pitch black.
i can't see any more.
i don't know who's around me;
i don't know who's WITH me.
no one's in front of me,
no one's behind me.
insecurity knaws at my conscience.
perhaps, i shout too loud.
perhaps, i'm everything i shouldn't be.
perhpas, i was clueless.
perhaps, i still am.
but one thing's for sure;
i'm paying the price for it now.
..left alone;
servant to darkness,
lacky to inferiority.
The other side:
guilt is dissolving everything.
my hopes for an acceptable grade,
my hopes for future grades;
all gone.
all because of my stupidty,
because of my weakness.
procrastination is part of my life.
and now, sloth is catching on.
everything in the past was acceptable.
to me, at least.
i can't stand the person i am.
i don't know who i've become.
i ask myself who i am and how my values have morphed.
i draw a blank.
i cannot answer myself.
re-examination never helps.
so many things i could do,
but so many more things i have DONE.
nothing changes the past,
but the present changes the future.
what i'd give to live in the past.
what you do now, might change what you do in the future.
how i wish i could travel through time.
live a life in pure bliss.
in memories, in experiences.
nightmarish realities cast aside,
beckoning a happier past.
how perefct life would be,
if i could travel in time.
so, change the present, you say.
then, i will reply;
what good will the present do,
if it can't erase the past?
shying away from the light.
trepidation.anticipation.
warmth, a glorious warmth!
basking in light,
revelling in pleasures unknown.
quick, quick, quick.
it's whisked away.
thrown to the wind,
carried away by the night breeze.
stars ever seeing,
the skies are the limits.
darkness falls;
encased in that shell of gloom.
the candles go out.
the room is dark.
a shift.a slight movement.
cowering in a corner.
stifled gasps.smothered sobs.
"enough.please, enough."
no one hears.
the temperature dipped.
she was alone again.
she had always been alone.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Goo Goo Dolls.Iris.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Life is about to get busier again.
STUPID chinese Os.
then, i realize life after that's gonna be worse.
and so, i shut up.
Jealousy.
plays a bg part in LIFE as a whole.
you see something you want,
yet you know you can't have it.
you TRY to get it,
but end up getting hurt.
i SEE no point in jealousy or spite,
yet, i am human.
i FEEL jealousy and spite.
ALL of us do,
only some of us feel it more than others.
contempt?
i guess.
has always been there,
will forever remain.
product or cause of jealousy?
..it's a matter of perspective, is it not?
Why am i human?
Why can't i FEEL less?
it's a package deal.
i wonder how some people manage to do one,
while keeping the other locked up.
it's amazing.
i know i was never an achiever.
i just wish i could be.
for once...
then again,
things never really change...
STUPID chinese Os.
then, i realize life after that's gonna be worse.
and so, i shut up.
Jealousy.
plays a bg part in LIFE as a whole.
you see something you want,
yet you know you can't have it.
you TRY to get it,
but end up getting hurt.
i SEE no point in jealousy or spite,
yet, i am human.
i FEEL jealousy and spite.
ALL of us do,
only some of us feel it more than others.
contempt?
i guess.
has always been there,
will forever remain.
product or cause of jealousy?
..it's a matter of perspective, is it not?
Why am i human?
Why can't i FEEL less?
it's a package deal.
i wonder how some people manage to do one,
while keeping the other locked up.
it's amazing.
i know i was never an achiever.
i just wish i could be.
for once...
then again,
things never really change...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Life's looking better.
i guess what they say is right;
life is all about perspective.
BUT, sometimes,
perspectives without actual happenings,
lead to nothing in the end.
the end of the exams.
the start up of some things old.
the closure of some things long drawn out.
the beginning of new things.
that IS life for you.
a never ending journey;
of facts,
of view points,
of opinions..
and above all,
of self-discovery.
what's the point of living life without YOU being in it?
it's selfish, but at the end of the day,
that's all we think about.
Above duty, before self.
hmmm.our duty to God.
we owe Him everything.
i KNOW that.
and i can't wait to get started on thanksgiving.
but for now,
i'll keep on working;
working to keep a stable relationship with Him,
working to change because He wants me to.
i should live for Him.
i must.
I have so many things to say,
yet, some how,
i can never find the words to use.
so many emotions,
so many happenings,
so many revelations.
i could say i'm scared;
of the unknown,
of the future.
i AM scared.
but, i know i'll have to face them sooner or later.
things come and go in passing,
i guess i can never hold onto things for long.
constants in life are hard to come by,
and that's why i need to hold onto them,
making sure that they stay that way.
the hurts?
we heal them and move on.
the memories?
we keep them and reminisce.
the present?
we make full use of IT and right the wrongs.
there are so many crossroads in our lives,
so many decisions we have to make.
regret is always an option;
but someone once told me,
that life was not meant for regrets,
that we could "live for so much more".
i thought that was a load of bullshit,
but, now i see.
and i hope that in the future,
i'll be able to keep my head above the water,
and see as i see now.
To someone:
thank you for everything you've taught me.
you taught me what it meant to be sensitive,
you taught me what it meant to open up and to trust,
you taught me what it meant to be brave and confident.
you taight me what it MEANS to be a friend.
i have never learnt so much from someone before.
thank you for that learning experience.
though things will never be the same again,
i will keep what you've taught me,
and learn from these experiences in the future.
the good times, the memories?
i'll keep them,
they were good and i had a blast.
i hope you will do the same.
this, i guess, isn't a forever kind of goodbye;
we are who we are.
there's no denying of those facts.
i bolted too easily, you..
we'll just leave it as that.
we BOTH know what happened.
i just wish you the best of luck.
i know you'll be fine.
you have always been.
to YOU:
thank you for everything.
i know things will never be teh same.
but life is a matter of how you make it.
we could start this again,
i'm willing.
are you?
..if your answer is no,
then, i respect your decision.
if it is yes,
remember that i'm no simple girl.
but, i guess you already knew that.
so, i'll do what i can,
but the decision will ultimately be up to YOU.
i'll keep testing the waters,
looking for something that WAS there.
if it's gone, i'll know.
but before it's too late,
i just want you to know that you meant and still mean alot to me.
thank you.
to you:
thank you for being my pillar of support.
thank you for talking me through everyuthing i thought i couldn't handle.
thank you for making me laugh and TRYING to cheer me up,
even when i thought i could never be at peace.
thank you for being there whenever i needed you.
thank you for doing the things that made me feel special.
thank you for being THE constant in my life.
thank you listening to my endless rants.
thank you for those 'pep talks' and for acting like my mother.
thank you for the times we planned to run away together.
life could be full of shit,
but at least i can share it with you.
and i KNOW that some way or another,
you'll make a joke out of it.
so, thank you for keeping me sane.
and..last but not least,
thank you for loving me enough to never let me go...
to my sisters:
thank you, darlings.
life would be boring without you two.
rach darling, cheer up.
sometimes, it doesn't pay to think too much.
i know what it feels like, babe.
i will always be here.
ALWAYS.
even at 3am in he freaking morning.
and she cares.
she told me the other day.
i'm not sure what it means to you now,
but i know she does.
she always has been.
jazzy darling, life's a bitch.
some guys are worse.
so just show tehm that you're better than that,
because i know you are.
believe that.
to the HOTs:
life could be much worse without you guys.
thank you.
i don't know what's with the 'thank you's,
but i just felt that i HAD to do them.
i don't want things to fade away again.
so, i'll make the effort to keep them in place.
i guess what they say is right;
life is all about perspective.
BUT, sometimes,
perspectives without actual happenings,
lead to nothing in the end.
the end of the exams.
the start up of some things old.
the closure of some things long drawn out.
the beginning of new things.
that IS life for you.
a never ending journey;
of facts,
of view points,
of opinions..
and above all,
of self-discovery.
what's the point of living life without YOU being in it?
it's selfish, but at the end of the day,
that's all we think about.
Above duty, before self.
hmmm.our duty to God.
we owe Him everything.
i KNOW that.
and i can't wait to get started on thanksgiving.
but for now,
i'll keep on working;
working to keep a stable relationship with Him,
working to change because He wants me to.
i should live for Him.
i must.
I have so many things to say,
yet, some how,
i can never find the words to use.
so many emotions,
so many happenings,
so many revelations.
i could say i'm scared;
of the unknown,
of the future.
i AM scared.
but, i know i'll have to face them sooner or later.
things come and go in passing,
i guess i can never hold onto things for long.
constants in life are hard to come by,
and that's why i need to hold onto them,
making sure that they stay that way.
the hurts?
we heal them and move on.
the memories?
we keep them and reminisce.
the present?
we make full use of IT and right the wrongs.
there are so many crossroads in our lives,
so many decisions we have to make.
regret is always an option;
but someone once told me,
that life was not meant for regrets,
that we could "live for so much more".
i thought that was a load of bullshit,
but, now i see.
and i hope that in the future,
i'll be able to keep my head above the water,
and see as i see now.
To someone:
thank you for everything you've taught me.
you taught me what it meant to be sensitive,
you taught me what it meant to open up and to trust,
you taught me what it meant to be brave and confident.
you taight me what it MEANS to be a friend.
i have never learnt so much from someone before.
thank you for that learning experience.
though things will never be the same again,
i will keep what you've taught me,
and learn from these experiences in the future.
the good times, the memories?
i'll keep them,
they were good and i had a blast.
i hope you will do the same.
this, i guess, isn't a forever kind of goodbye;
we are who we are.
there's no denying of those facts.
i bolted too easily, you..
we'll just leave it as that.
we BOTH know what happened.
i just wish you the best of luck.
i know you'll be fine.
you have always been.
to YOU:
thank you for everything.
i know things will never be teh same.
but life is a matter of how you make it.
we could start this again,
i'm willing.
are you?
..if your answer is no,
then, i respect your decision.
if it is yes,
remember that i'm no simple girl.
but, i guess you already knew that.
so, i'll do what i can,
but the decision will ultimately be up to YOU.
i'll keep testing the waters,
looking for something that WAS there.
if it's gone, i'll know.
but before it's too late,
i just want you to know that you meant and still mean alot to me.
thank you.
to you:
thank you for being my pillar of support.
thank you for talking me through everyuthing i thought i couldn't handle.
thank you for making me laugh and TRYING to cheer me up,
even when i thought i could never be at peace.
thank you for being there whenever i needed you.
thank you for doing the things that made me feel special.
thank you for being THE constant in my life.
thank you listening to my endless rants.
thank you for those 'pep talks' and for acting like my mother.
thank you for the times we planned to run away together.
life could be full of shit,
but at least i can share it with you.
and i KNOW that some way or another,
you'll make a joke out of it.
so, thank you for keeping me sane.
and..last but not least,
thank you for loving me enough to never let me go...
to my sisters:
thank you, darlings.
life would be boring without you two.
rach darling, cheer up.
sometimes, it doesn't pay to think too much.
i know what it feels like, babe.
i will always be here.
ALWAYS.
even at 3am in he freaking morning.
and she cares.
she told me the other day.
i'm not sure what it means to you now,
but i know she does.
she always has been.
jazzy darling, life's a bitch.
some guys are worse.
so just show tehm that you're better than that,
because i know you are.
believe that.
to the HOTs:
life could be much worse without you guys.
thank you.
i don't know what's with the 'thank you's,
but i just felt that i HAD to do them.
i don't want things to fade away again.
so, i'll make the effort to keep them in place.
The Young and the Hopeless.Good Charlotte.
Hard days made me,
Hard nights shaped me,
I don't know,
They somehow saved me,
And I know I'm making something,
Out of this life they called nothing
I take what I want,
Take what I need,
They say it's wrong,
But it's right for me,
I won't look down,
Won't say I'm sorry,
I know that only God can judge me.
And if I make it through the day,
Will tomorrow be the same?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall,
Should I get up and carry on?
Will it all just be the same?
Cause I'm Young And I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen,
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world, and I don't care.
I don't care.
And no one in this industry,
understands the life I lead,
When I sing about my past,
It's not a gimmick,
not an act.
These critics and these trust fund kids,
The try to tell me what punk is,
But when I see them on the streets,
They got nothin to say!
And if I make it through today,
Will tomorrow be the same?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall,
Should I get up and carry on?
Will it all just be the same?
Cause I'm Young and I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen,
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world, and I don't care.
I don't care,
I don't care,
Now, I don't care.
I'm Young and I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world,
And I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Hard days made me,
Hard nights shaped me,
I don't know,
They somehow saved me,
And I know I'm making something,
Out of this life they called nothing
I take what I want,
Take what I need,
They say it's wrong,
But it's right for me,
I won't look down,
Won't say I'm sorry,
I know that only God can judge me.
And if I make it through the day,
Will tomorrow be the same?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall,
Should I get up and carry on?
Will it all just be the same?
Cause I'm Young And I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen,
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world, and I don't care.
I don't care.
And no one in this industry,
understands the life I lead,
When I sing about my past,
It's not a gimmick,
not an act.
These critics and these trust fund kids,
The try to tell me what punk is,
But when I see them on the streets,
They got nothin to say!
And if I make it through today,
Will tomorrow be the same?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall,
Should I get up and carry on?
Will it all just be the same?
Cause I'm Young and I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen,
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world, and I don't care.
I don't care,
I don't care,
Now, I don't care.
I'm Young and I'm Hopeless,
I'm lost and know this,
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say.
I'm troublesome, I'm fallen
I'm angry at my father,
It's me against this world,
And I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I HAD SO MUCH FUN TONIGHT!
THE HOTFAMILY ROCKS!
..it's so funny how things fluctuate,
but when they're high..
haha.
I LOVE IT!!!!
OH MAN!
IT WAS THE BEST TIME I HAVE HAD IN A LOGN WHILE!!!
the wierd things daddy wore..
the inital awkwardness..
the freaky jumping prawns..
the LIVE CRABS!..
the oil-splattering..
the OILY fried chicken..
the wierd tasting soup..
the feeding and sharing of food!..
the PHOTO-TAKING! [still can't believe mummy and addy siam-ed last minute]..
the advertisement making..
the screaming and shouting..
the pool game..
the arcade games [though i sucked at them :p]..
the slamming of the buttons..
the train ride home.
i'll never forgte.
not in a LONG, LONG while.
besides, i have the photos as momentos.
i can't wait till our next meeting.
thank you..
JAZZY UNCLE.SARAH MUMMY.GRACE DADDY.VI AUNTY.ZI STEP-MUMMY.ZIYAN.ACHALA.
ZHEN LUAN [especially you.at least i had closure tonight.]
love you all to bits!
..will never forget..
THE HOTFAMILY ROCKS!
..it's so funny how things fluctuate,
but when they're high..
haha.
I LOVE IT!!!!
OH MAN!
IT WAS THE BEST TIME I HAVE HAD IN A LOGN WHILE!!!
the wierd things daddy wore..
the inital awkwardness..
the freaky jumping prawns..
the LIVE CRABS!..
the oil-splattering..
the OILY fried chicken..
the wierd tasting soup..
the feeding and sharing of food!..
the PHOTO-TAKING! [still can't believe mummy and addy siam-ed last minute]..
the advertisement making..
the screaming and shouting..
the pool game..
the arcade games [though i sucked at them :p]..
the slamming of the buttons..
the train ride home.
i'll never forgte.
not in a LONG, LONG while.
besides, i have the photos as momentos.
i can't wait till our next meeting.
thank you..
JAZZY UNCLE.SARAH MUMMY.GRACE DADDY.VI AUNTY.ZI STEP-MUMMY.ZIYAN.ACHALA.
ZHEN LUAN [especially you.at least i had closure tonight.]
love you all to bits!
..will never forget..
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
So it's truly over.
..i remember what you..wrote.
i'll remember it for life.
believe me.
as much as I was a learning experience,
so were you.
change.
I did.
so did YOU.
nobody's saying it's bad.
familiarity was just a comfort.
i have nothing left to say.
goodbye.
i'm not turning back anymore.
good luck.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
..i remember what you..wrote.
i'll remember it for life.
believe me.
as much as I was a learning experience,
so were you.
change.
I did.
so did YOU.
nobody's saying it's bad.
familiarity was just a comfort.
i have nothing left to say.
goodbye.
i'm not turning back anymore.
good luck.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Saturday, October 08, 2005
the turning of time.
things change.
they CHANGE.
i don't know how long it'll take me to fully accept that fact.
i keep telling myself that things change,
that people change.
that all of this was inevitable,
and that i couldn't stop it.
not on my own at least.
i keep telling myself that resistance is futile,
that life isn't worth it some times;
espcially since you can't control most of it.
i keep telling myself that life is a game.
a game where i'm never the victor,
where everyone else seems to be moving on and conquering the impossible.
where i'm permanently stuck in my own grave.
pessimism.
some people don't like that.
i never thought i COULD please everyone,
but that didn't stop me from trying.
maybe it is true.
maybe i DO try too hard;
then again, maybe i don't try at all.
there are so many questions without answers.
mostly 'why's and 'how's.
i keep asking,
but i know i'll never get an answer from the rest of the world.
"the answer is within you".
i know that.
..or at least i THINK i do.
torment of living in the past.
haunting memories of events.
holding me back,
can't move forward.
stifled attempts,
smothered pleas.
i try, i never make it.
i need to find an answer.
what answer exactly?
i don't know..
..i don't know..
things change.
they CHANGE.
i don't know how long it'll take me to fully accept that fact.
i keep telling myself that things change,
that people change.
that all of this was inevitable,
and that i couldn't stop it.
not on my own at least.
i keep telling myself that resistance is futile,
that life isn't worth it some times;
espcially since you can't control most of it.
i keep telling myself that life is a game.
a game where i'm never the victor,
where everyone else seems to be moving on and conquering the impossible.
where i'm permanently stuck in my own grave.
pessimism.
some people don't like that.
i never thought i COULD please everyone,
but that didn't stop me from trying.
maybe it is true.
maybe i DO try too hard;
then again, maybe i don't try at all.
there are so many questions without answers.
mostly 'why's and 'how's.
i keep asking,
but i know i'll never get an answer from the rest of the world.
"the answer is within you".
i know that.
..or at least i THINK i do.
torment of living in the past.
haunting memories of events.
holding me back,
can't move forward.
stifled attempts,
smothered pleas.
i try, i never make it.
i need to find an answer.
what answer exactly?
i don't know..
..i don't know..
Saturday, October 01, 2005
So many things could happen,
yet only few things DO happen.
you see all the possibilities in life,
and all the decisions you have to make.
the, suddenly, you don't feel like making those decisions any more.
there are always two sides to everything;
humans were given a free will to chose by the good grace of God,
and more often than not,
we make the wrong decisions.
we do the unthinkable,
we HURT people.
in retrospect,
we never know what possessed us to do the thigns we did,
yet the truth is,
the deed is done.
the crime has been commited.
and we'll live out our dyas regretting the bad choices,
wishing for time to be turned;
forever knowing that it's not possible.
so many thins to do,
so many truths to handle.
life is a chore.
God, please show me my worth.
i'm losing grip.
slipping, falling.
i can't hold on anymore.
inching closer to insanity,
drunk in depression.
lies, hate.
animosity.
pretences.
nothing's ever real.
i cannot believe.
i refuse to believe.
Everything's superficial.
Sometimes, i gaze out of the window for long periods of time, wondering where innocence went.i refuse to pay heed to the academic responsibilities i had to MYSELF.the thought crosses my mind once, twice,then i banish it from my mind.serenity overtakes my senses and i am drowned in the quiet night life.so many people, all settling down for the night.
They have so many worries, yet the manage to sleep.no thoughts, just rest.i wonder if there was anyone wo felt as i did.i wonder if there was anyone who gazed out of the window, wishing for simplicity and normalacy, like i did.life speeds forward; never a pause, never a stop.time waited for no man.it drags unwilling passengers, and i am one of those pulled against my will.as life continues, i find myself more and more sonfused.
And so i continue to gaze, wondering if any one did the same.
yet only few things DO happen.
you see all the possibilities in life,
and all the decisions you have to make.
the, suddenly, you don't feel like making those decisions any more.
there are always two sides to everything;
humans were given a free will to chose by the good grace of God,
and more often than not,
we make the wrong decisions.
we do the unthinkable,
we HURT people.
in retrospect,
we never know what possessed us to do the thigns we did,
yet the truth is,
the deed is done.
the crime has been commited.
and we'll live out our dyas regretting the bad choices,
wishing for time to be turned;
forever knowing that it's not possible.
so many thins to do,
so many truths to handle.
life is a chore.
God, please show me my worth.
i'm losing grip.
slipping, falling.
i can't hold on anymore.
inching closer to insanity,
drunk in depression.
lies, hate.
animosity.
pretences.
nothing's ever real.
i cannot believe.
i refuse to believe.
Everything's superficial.
Sometimes, i gaze out of the window for long periods of time, wondering where innocence went.i refuse to pay heed to the academic responsibilities i had to MYSELF.the thought crosses my mind once, twice,then i banish it from my mind.serenity overtakes my senses and i am drowned in the quiet night life.so many people, all settling down for the night.
They have so many worries, yet the manage to sleep.no thoughts, just rest.i wonder if there was anyone wo felt as i did.i wonder if there was anyone who gazed out of the window, wishing for simplicity and normalacy, like i did.life speeds forward; never a pause, never a stop.time waited for no man.it drags unwilling passengers, and i am one of those pulled against my will.as life continues, i find myself more and more sonfused.
And so i continue to gaze, wondering if any one did the same.
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