you care.
why?
you bother.
why?
you hope.
why?

i dont know.
but you still do it.
i'm not worth it.
dont bother.
dont do it for me.

i keep telling you.
you wont listen.
why do you cling on to something that you can never have?
belief you say.

belief.

know what?
i believe you.

Brian Mcfadden and Delta Goodrem.Almost here.
Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

>>the "sad" song.(: it's nice though.

Collin Raye.Love Me.
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

Three Doors Down.Let Me Go.
One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you dont know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me goo...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you dont know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

>>my mortal is awesome.coaxed me out of my self pity state.so now..my blog's a lyric archive.or at least for a while.these songs are real nice.give them a listen.

Evanescene.Missing.
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe some day you'll look up
And barely consious you'll say to no one
Isn't something missing?

You won't cry for my absence I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me not now
Though I'd die to know you loved me
I'm all alone
isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
"Isn't something missing?"
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me.. not now
Though I'd die to know you loved me
I'm all alone
isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed
Knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there
isn't something missing? isn't something....

Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me not now
though I'd die to know you loved me
I'm all alone
Isn't something missing
Isn't someone missing me?

swamped.
yet i have to eason to be.
i dont even have many things to do.
so why all this stress?
i dont get this shit.
maybe it's all in the mind,
as the common belief states.
maybe i'm memorizing too much over too short a time.
maybe that's why my brain gives up on me during the crucial moments.
should i, in that case,
stop studying so many rounds?
my mother's always saying i shouldnt.
maybe i finally see that she's right.
fewer rounds of memorization.
better adaptibility to unexpected situations,
less dependance on structured scenarios.
that's good, isnt it?
in that case.
i will stop doing multiple rounds of revision.
focus my energy on sleep
..and lightening up?
or the NYAA?
either way.
the future looks good from where i'm standing.

Why do you see right through me?
Am i so insignificant?
Isn't someone missing me?

4 tests next week.
visitation-packed weekend.
sleep deprived nights.
study-numbed brain.
paraniod being.
introverted recluse.
shunned by society.
outcasted by family.
hated by self.

repititive worries.
unresolved issues.
insomia plagued person.
recluse.
ever the recluse.
wishes to hide it;
succeeds.
no one knows.
no one cares.
no one finds out.
no cause for anyone to find out.

no reason for longing.
no reason for deperssion.
why?
no answer.
continued hiding.
continued facade.
hope for pure depression.
hope for pure numbness.
hope for the facade to discarded.

hope for a gloomier tomorrow.
hope for...

what?


Sometimes I feel like crying
Laying down and dying
That's when I need you
Laughing's always easy,
but sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me
That's when I feel emotional

the sad teen. Everything in life is f*ckin'
miserable. You constantly look over your
shoulder and wonder who is judging you...even
when you are alone. So naturally, you have
become a little paranoid and pessamistic. Your
personality can be one demensional but
confusing. You are constantly bored with life
and wish that something could spice it up. You
have a unique view on life and have identified
the problems with school society (Ex...what
makes popular people, how the student mind
works...) You would rather be alone because you
hate being hurt. You tend to think that no one
understands you, not even your parents /
guardians / friends. But that is just the
opposite! The people who love you want to
help, but they don't know how because they have
a feeling that they will say something wrong
and turn you away. You have to let them know
that you are willing to hear what they have to
say...and it might do some good to listen to
them.

Some fields you might consider going
in when you are older...Judge, author,
songwriter, producer, therapist, psychologist,
philosopher, or forensic scientist. You need a
job where you can express yourself and your
views on life. Or you need a field where you
can judge others and predict what is going on
in others life. Either way... you have the
personality to get you a good job that will
support you throughout life.


What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

>>..sometimes i wonder if these things were made for people like me.
then again.
nothing revolves round me.
i'm just insignificant.
nothing belongs to me.
so why in the world should i care bout anything?
nobody does bout what i do anyway..

being numb.
how could she have done it?
living with deprssion everyday and finally becoming numb?
..what a wonderful feeling it must be.
to feel nothing but observe everything.
if emotions can hurt one so badly,
wont life be better without them?
i want to live devoid of feelings.
i think it'd be quite great;
your mind kept on ONE single-minded purpose.
no feelings to distract;
only the will to grow stronger.
only the determination of conquer.
feelings only hold one back.
imagine a day where one would live independently--
no feelings,
no needs.
just pull grit and will to continue becoming stronger.
how amazing it will be.
stronger in every aspect.
more control in ever aspect.
no sense of reponsibilty to what one might feel.
nothing to distract you from that prupose to become stronger.
imagine if one could go without eating or sleeping;
only chnating on that mantra of that on that one prupose of one's life.
how amazing it MUST be.
i endeavour to live like that.

but it's sad.
she tries so hard.
she succeeds in becoming numb.
but she's just not strong enough.
like i'm just not good enough for everyone.
she fades into oblivion as time passes by.
insignificant.
like me.
like a butterfly.
we are ever the butterfly.
small, insignificant, insubstantial and forgettable.

sorry guys.i dont think i'm the person you knew anymore.
i cant go back to the way i was.
things change.
people change.
i used to care for what people thought of me.
now i dont.
i'm sorry.

i dont want to feel.
i dont want to need.
i want ot be numb.
a shell of my former hypocritical self.
forever more..
forever more..

i have no right to pity myself.
i have no right to feel stressed.
i have no right to feel sad.
depressed?
am i really?
id ont know anymore.
too much angst.
too much reading.
i'm being absorbed into a world that is not my own.
i am ebing absorbed into an alternate world of fiction,
not reality.
in that world,
i'm different.
who knew one person can be so different?
i thought i was true to myself.
now i know why people lie to themselves.
in front of the masses,
i'm one person.
behind the facade,
WHO AM I?
is this a case of an identity crisis?
or am i caught in my own web of trickery?
i never meant to hurt anyone.
i never meant to gain enemies.
i never meant to be fake..
..but i guess we huamans dont plan for alot of things.
i wanted to please.
i wanted SO MUCH to be the person i protrayed myself to be.
but yet..
who am i?
and now,
i am scared.
so very afraid.
2 very different people.
morose and indifferent.
bubbly and ever-pleaser.
i long to be the latter.
but i'm caught now in a dimension where i am both.
slowly,
people are seeing through it.
looking past me,
into my other self.
and they hate it.
who am i to complain.
it's my fault anyway.
i should have been a complete loner from the beginning.
i always knew i was one anyway.
the insecurity is unbearable.
when will i finally give in?
the minutes are ticking away.
i know my true revealing isnt far away...

leave me alone.
ALL of you.
i dont deserve your attention...

Chinese new year's here again.
will it be the same as last year?
will anything be the same again?
we dont know, do we?
..of course not.
but i hope for my sanity's sake,
it's not gonna be the same.
i set targets.
i disappoint myself each time.
sometimes i dont see the point in setting them.
afetr all..
i'll just disappoint myself again.
so what's the f***ing point?
i dont get why we're even living sometimes.
if life is so disappointing,
shouldnt we just end it all..
..NOW?
nothing matters anymore.
i frankly dont pay any attention to anything anymore.
but despite all that..
..i'm never good enough.
some people are just so lucky.

how i hate that feeling..
but i never seem to be able to escape it.
you spend and give so much devotion,
but you're NEVER good enough.
it starts of as a small nagging feeling;
small, insignificant.
then it grows and snowballs.
it's hard to imagine how something so insignificant can balloon into something of such emotional trauma.
it feeds on optimism,
thrives on achievement
and grows with disappoinment.
what a good host i must be.
well, at least it's something i can be proud of.

pathetic.
life's pathertic..

I'M PATHETIC..

Current friends.
old friends.
acquaintances.
new enemies.
..new friends?

is that what friendship's all about?
some times i wonder.
i really wonder.
i don't know what to think anymore.

i've changed.
you've changed.
the world 's changed.
time's moved on.
to stay?
to go?
i'm not playing the same game anymore.
the ball's in YOUR court.
whatever decision you make;
live with it.
cos i know that whatever i get,
i'll get over it.
some how.
i know i will.
that only leaves you.
take my friendship;
smash it,
trample on it,
throw it away.
i don't care anymore.
it's all about you.
i'll get over it.

..will you?