There are only three things i really want as of now.
that's the funny thing bout life, ain't it?
you REALLY don't get what you want.
it seems SO CLOSE.
and in a second, it's gone.
maybe that's why people stop dreaming.
maybe that's how innocence is lost.

is it 'cos we want too much?
or is it 'cos we realise HOW MUCH we want it ONLY after we let it go?
i really wonder some times.
and ooh, let's not forget jealousy;
makes life a whole lot more interesting, no?
you see some one else having something you want,
perhaps even something you used to have,
and suddenly, you want what your neighbour has.
whoa.aren't we VOLATILE.(yes, miss self pollinated? x) )
then, does 'want' come from jealousy or true need?
the lines are blurred now;
more so, in a world where everyone wants everything.
and where most HAVE everything.
we can never het enough.
sad, really.

what ever happened to SIMPLE pleasures?
(NO, not like that, self pollinated.(x )

one of these days, we'er all gonna burst.
and we'll see what the world thinks of us then.
maybe we only THINK we want;
cos we're temporarily deprived of something we used to have.
i guess at the end of the day, we want..
cos we don't have.
and that's all we need to accept.
that's all the world would ever let us accept anyway.

how fas time flies.
it's been 5 FREAKING weeks since term 3 started.
it's scary, to say the least.
the week just started like, yesterday?
it's it's friday already.
i wonder how much faster time will fly.
it's ironic, though;
how slow time can pass in an instant;
in a particular moment.

sometimes, i just want time to stop.
(like in that commercial)
to let me savour all the wonderful things life has given me,
but haven't yet been realised.
maybe then, i'll be a better person, more appreciative.
and maybe then, i'll stop regretting every moment that comes to pass.

please speak slowly, my heart is learning

DAMN IT.
it's not fair to be irritated with people who don't have anything to do with your anger.
it's NOR RIGHT.
so, why do people still do it?
are we rebellious by nature?
or do we just like to be angry?
is it a mark of maturity; to be angry and angsty?
or is it cool to be brooding and hoarding suppressed feelings?
DAMN IT.
i don't understand this; i don't understand anything any more.
and it sure as hell pisses me off.

it doesn't help that people keep coming in and BOTHERING me.
what's wrong with SOLITUDE.
can i not stay in my room and NOT be bothered for ONE NIGHT?
apparently, it's not possible.
every 20 mins, i have someone coming in to 'check on me' or ask for somthing.
AM I TWO F**KING YEARS OLD?
i can do things myself, thank you very much.
damn it.
i have a mountain load of work ahead of me;
i have to complete it by tomorrow.i'm feeling pissed as hell,
don't wanna do shit,
and it's already 11.

DAMN IT.

and it's racial harmony day tomorrow.
it's supposed to be a joyous event.
i'm supposed to be HAPPY damnit.
probably gonna be sleep deprived this evening,
end up slcaking my time away and going to school with hell to pay for that.
what the hell is wrong with me?!

damn it.
random rant.

it's better out, than it.

some people..
hmmm.
it's sad when we don't know when it's time for us to move on;
from where we are, from the people we know.
sometimes, we're so helpless against their wills.
we don't know what they truly want,
we don't know how they think.
it's frustrating, really.
and TRUST.
always an issue, no?
sometimes, we don't know where to put it
and that in turn hurts us more than not giving it away.

starnge things, we humans do.

at least i've moved on from you.
yet, not a backward glance have you thrown...

some thins in life are for that best.
we just need to have faith that everything will be fine,
at the end of the day.

Have you ever felt helpless?
you know so many things,
you know that something HAS to be done..
and you can't do it yourself.
don't you just hate that powerless feeling?
no control, nothing you can do.

you're floudering hopelessly in an ocean of doubts,
of 'what if's.
you're trapped in a nightmare, of the past.
you somehow know that this seems familiar..
and you hate that feeling.
you never wanna turn back,
but circumstance finds you doing just that.

you're forced to look at your demons head on,
on eye level with.
you don't want to blink, for fear that something could happen.
the strain in burning your eyes.
the tears are forming.
you're scared, you pray fervently..
then, you close them.
perhaps, by faith, nothing bad will happen.
perhaps, everyone will be okay, just like they were.
perhaps, everything will go back to borning, mundane, normalacy.

everything, you know.
or so you think.
you worry, for fear that something REALLY bad will happen.
that the someone you're worried for won't be able to get up again.
you wish, SO BADLY to help.
but, you know you can't.
some battles have to be fought by yourself.
and it's especially during these periods that you worry.
trust, faith?
these challenges are what test them, no?
..then, why am i afraid of the test?
fear that i won't be resolute in my belief in the person in question?
fear that faith won't pull us through?
..or fear that i won't be strong enough for her, when the time calls for me to be?
i hate waiting.i hate guessing.
but that IS part of life.
something God put there to anchor our trust in Him.
to show us that faith is really all you need.

you know you're supposed to have faith.
you know you don't need to worry.
yet, you do.
you life your eyes, even if it's just a little,
to confirm what's NOT there.
reassures, you look back down at your tasks;
tehn you feel a stab of guilt.
you chose to deny faith, belief.
you weren't strong enough to hold onto them.
'why am i so weak?'
you grit your teeth, turn around and walk away;
but not before turning back to stare at the face of a traitor.
vacant eyes, gaunt features.
and shame, from everything you could've done..
but didn't

faith is not for the weak;
for faith is what pulls the strong along,
even when they FEEL weak.

HAPPY BIRTHDA TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DADDY...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!(:

GRACE DADDY is FINALLY 16! :D
finally LEGAL for nc16 movies, and what have you ;)
Grace, if you're reading this,
ACT SIXTEEN! and talk to mummy...
and grow taller, be less annoying, be less high and dsigusting..
(x haha, but BE HAPPY, daddy(:

It's so fast, how time flies.
GOSH, it's the THIRD week already.
no one's hiding the fact that we only have SIX WEEKS LEFT before prelims start..
and getting our prelim time table yesterday didn't help.
ohsonice 4i has put the day-coutdown to the prelims,
so we're essentially staring at our doom EVERYDAY. T.T
avoidance, is follish, yes;
but ignorance is always bliss. (:
heh.if life didn't have to speed up so fast,
if only we didn't have to grow up.

maybe that way, life would be alot easier.
just the dreams of running around,
laughing ourselves giddy.
maybe friends, family once in a while.
mmh, that would be nice.
i can't help but think
'what IS after this?'
after all, we DID grow till 16 from zero.
and at this age, we SEE ageing.
we SEE what could happen.
i can almost see it now;
get into jc, uni..get a job.
get married.have kids.
grow old.die.
hmmm. where's the fun in that?
i guess it's IN the process of growing up...
but, sometimes i can't bear to.
kinda sad, really;
the mroe you grow, the more you have to face life.
you can't run any more.
not like when you were young and tiny.

tch.such depressing thoughts.
and i don't even know what i'm doing here.
ironic, really;
i keep COMPLAINING about HOW SLACK i am..
yet i appear online for hours on end, reading.
so, i should just SHUT IT and blog.NICELY.
then, kill self with work later.

note to self: intensify work load so as to avoid guilt later.

THERE HAVE BEEN NO MORE SPIDERS!!!
MWAHAHAHAH!!!(: (:
haha, i think they've all moved to T-melia's table.
poor girl.now she has to be the one screaming like an idiot during lesson...
and i realise, we've been quite mean.
say it once, and not again?
HMMM.once more, tata?(x (KHONG..you've still got to do it x))
other than that, school's been quite monotonous.
teachers intensifying the lessons,
more worksheets,
the completion of subject syllbuses.
T.T it's scary, really.

OHWELL.
the world cup's DONE!
cannavaro's cute, poor france and zidane.
i wonder what materazzi said to him, for real.
HMMM.

OFF TO INDULGENCE!(:
solace in the things that are not real...

And so, a week has passed.
WEEK ONE HAS ENDED.
kinda scary, huh?
how time passes by so quicly.
haha.time has made that phrase cliche now.
we have EIGHT more weeks before prelims start in week TEN.
well, then.

adjustment;
is that what we all need now?
adjustment to a faster pace?
to a more pressing need to DO something,
rather than just be idle?
hmmm.
whatever happened to good old STONING. (or, meditating x) )
sigh.time for a reality chack;
time to face facts;
i want time,
i've got some.
no more asking for more than what i can't get.

i have a nice table partner(:
CACAT recess companions(:
and i keep laughing my head off cos of them.
it's all good(:
now, if only it can stay this way..
all the way through to week ten(:
oh and i ABHOR spiders.
TWO freaking spiders ATTACKED me yesterday.
they think i don't know bout their plan for WORLD DOMINATION!
'kill this weakling first (insert malicious laughter),
we'll slay the rest later..'
HAHA!but i KNOW.
i knew it was all a grand scheme to embarrass me during english!
i know fishy when i see it;
a brown JUIMPING spider
and a spider with only FOUR legs (which can fly by the way).
HAH!they think they're SO SMART.but i saw through it all!
be gone, dreadful spiders!
or i'll have to find some arachni-cides!
*beams menacingly/crazily at the (invisible) spiders*

other than that,
more random acts of cacat-ness include:
1) that very ENLIGHTENING talk in the canteen x)
[ahem, highly informative x)]
2) watching sumi and khong try to stuff ice down each other's shirts.
then, turning round and stuffing it down daddy's x)
hmm.this is bad.i can't remember any more.
i'm sure there are though;
with people from fourI,
cacat-ness is normal x)

WOOHOO!
more prayer sessions next week.
we need discipline. ):
6 more days...